Pre Script: All incidents and stories below are not true except the results.. A lot of twisting and cooking has been done to save it from a boring read... ;)
First of all, let me tell you all that I always hated the interview experiences and admit stories from MBA guys. Even though I knew that such posts and stories are important for the future aspirants, yet I somewhere feel that these posts are usually meant to brag and project your god like image. So, I will be the last person who will write such a post. But this story has every element of a Bollywood movie: drama, action, emotion, villain, romance, sex … Ooops.. sex is not there… In short, it has lot of stuff which forced me to write about it. But let me ensure you, this is not a story about an extra ordinary gentlemen who conquered the world. This is a story of just another guy.
July 2010
“I regret to say this but…”
Silence was all over my face with a puzzled look of what went wrong…
“I am not interested in you and I have moved on…”
“But, I love you”, I said
“So what!! There are many people who love me… I had my options and I chose a better guy for myself… You are not worthy of my love. So, I am going now and please don’t call me again.”
“But…”, I said
“I have made up my mind..”
“What went wrong? Where do I lack??” , I told her with tears in my eyes.
“You need a lot of polishing in terms of communication skills. Your over all interview rating was below average and you need a lot of improvement in your interview skills. You need to improve your learnability. Your GMAT score is also lower than average”
I immediately woke up and jumped out of my bed. Damn it’s the ISB feedback of my last year application which was haunting me.
It has gone over my head. Nobody has ever given me such a bad feedback. But why the hell I was dreaming about it. May be my ego was hurt and that’s why it was telling my unconscious mind to do something about it. But it is not possible because my ego has already been killed along with his friend self esteem in last one and a half years when I was thrice rejected by Indian universities and twice by TAS, a sum much higher than my total rejections in life. I had just covered my modesty with 2-3 international university admits where I actually never wanted to go.
In between these thoughts I moved to the thoughts of how it all started.
June 2007
It was a lazy Sunday evening, when two of my friends were planning to give GMAT. Truly speaking, I never wanted to do MBA because MBA is modern symbol of success of presentation over content. And somehow business section of newspapers never interested me. Moreover, I had a naïve thought in my mind that you become salesman after doing MBA. All these factors developed in a hate relationship and this relationship always motivated me to insult MBAs wherever I find one.
So, coming back to the point, my friends were discussing about GMAT preparations and how MBA can be a life changing experience. It irked me and I jumped into the discussion and cracked few low grade MBA jokes to put forward my point. In between the discussion, they mentioned ISB and I had never heard about this name earlier (Yes, I was that dumb to MBA world). Somehow this name remained in my mind and I checked about it in my office next day.
It was the first time when I opened ISB website and it was the love at first sight. The more I started reading about it, the more I got involved in it. It infused so much of interest in me that I invested several nights afterwards looking and reading about ISB. With every passing day my love got deeper and stronger for ISB.
Then I decided to do something for this love and give GMAT a shot along with my friends. But then a lazy piece of me gave a peaceful thought to my mind that if she loves me she will come to me, why I have to suffer so much to get her, that’s not true love.
And, just to honor true love, I started avoiding GMAT :)
Jan 2009
“I don’t want to give GMAT because I have not studied for it and I am not scoring any good marks even in sample tests.”
“What you will lose?”, said Mom
“10000 Rs and let me tell you it’s not a small amount. I can shift the date to next month and then give the test with better preparation.” I said using all my senses and fears.
“Next Month you will be prepared”, said Papa.
“No. I don’t want to be a MBA”, I said after a lot of thinking.
“Then, why you are giving GMAT?” Papa said again with confusion on his face.
“I think I should cancel the appointment now and get back 5000 Rs. Something is better than nothing. I somehow got inspired 3 months back to get registered for GMAT which I now think was a mistake”, I said with a seriousness and confidence on my face.
While Papa was still trying to decipher what I told, Mom ordered “Ok. I’ll give you those ten thousand. Give it and stop the discussion”
Aug 2009
It was a day for the interview with SP Jain. Somewhere in my heart I always knew that I am not meant for IIMs/ISB and SP Jain can take me. So I was very confident before the interview. And, finally the time came when I was standing outside the interview door and they called my name.
There were 3 interviewers sitting in the room. 2 were looking like professors and 1 was from industry. They looked very nice but I didn’t know that they were wolves in the skin of sheep. So the interview started.
“Good Morning Sirs”, I said enthusiastically.
“Good Morning Sumit. Sit Down”, one old professor said while other two were smiling.
“So, you have applied for Marketing. Tell us more about yourself” Second old professor initiated while reading my profile sheet.
“My name is Sumit and I am working in telecom operations from last 5 years……….” I started my regular introduction and 1st professor interrupted me in between.
“Aaahhh. You are from Operations” said sympathetically as if he already knows my future and what’s going to happen with me in next 30 minutes.
“Do you want to give Operations interview? I can do that for you” 2nd professor said confidently.
“No Sir. I am interested in marketing……” I started but interrupted once again by 1st professor.
“What made you realize your interest? Tell us something about marketing”
I realized that they are ripping my clothes slowly now and soon, they will start raping me.
In response of every single line of mine, they throw scores of questions at me with a grin on their faces. For next 20 minutes my mind went numb and I didn't know what was happening to me.
Suddenly all my attempts to hide in bullet firing went futile, a bullet came and hit my head directly.
“Tell us one thing in which you are good?” asked the industry person.
“Movies” I uttered the crap that came to my mind at that time.
“So, do you mean to say that you have watched all the movies that have released in say last 10 years” 2nd professor enquired
“Yes” I said confidently once again.
“All the movies!!!! And you know about all of them!!!” 1st professor looked at me with a surprise.
“Yes”, I said with full confidence and I was ready to participate in this movie quiz and score some points.
“Don’t you think it’s a waste of time” industry expert said with a confusion on his face.
“I do it in my leisure time sir for entertainment purposes….. other type of cover up bull shit”
After few minutes, it was over and I knew my fate has been sealed.
Oct 2009
It was the ISB interview day and I was preparing myself to go into the interview waiting room with a positive frame of my mind. When I reached there, everyone was dressed in suits and the room was filled with so much tension that it started making me nervous. I somehow hold my nerve and tried chatting with a fellow candidate.
“Hi”, I said politely.
“Hi, My name is Ram”, he said and raised his hand towards me for a handshake.
I shake hands with him and it eased me somehow.
“I have been working as a Business Manager in a technology firm. I have also started my own consultancy firm and its annual revenue is more than 1 crore Rs. I have a GMAT of 750. What is your profile?” Ram said with a smile
Now to me it more seemed like a challenge. I was looking for all my highs but I got nothing which can be compared to his profile. I started thinking how on earth I got an interview invite. I should not have applied for ISB.
Immediately a lady sitting in front of me chipped in and saved me.
“Hi. I’m Neha. I’m a director in a logistics company. I’d initiated my startup two years back. I have a GMAT of 760.”
Now she has challenged him and it has started a war in the waiting room where everyone wanted to convince everyone else that he or she is the only eligible person to get that cup of ISB admit.
My throat got dried up after listening to all those profiles and I needed water immediately.
A person came out of interview room very happily and entered waiting room.
“Interviews are very cool. Just be sure with your goals and be ready with your numbers”, the recently interviewed guy said
“What were my goals? What are these numbers he is talking about? I know no numbers?” I started getting panic attack.
Immediately a well dressed guy came with a smile pasted on his face and called for my name. I stood up in anxiety. He put an arm around my shoulders and took me to the labor room.
He introduced himself to me but my mind was not in complete senses to remember any names.
I took a deep breath and infused all the confidence and strength left in me.
“Good Morning Sirs”, I said.
And the routine procedure started with a few questions here and there. All of them were plain faced as if I might get few answer hints from their expressions.
After 15 minutes, they threw me out of the room with the same plastic smiles.
I looked at my interview and didn’t find any single hint of wrong answer or bad interview. But, I knew something was wrong. After one month I got the results and they confirmed what was wrong next year in the feedback.
July 2010
“You are not going to office today?” a voice woke me up from flashback and I suddenly realized that I am late for office today.
------ to be continued-------
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Rat Race
Pre Script: Once again this blogger is living up to the expectation by making mistakes and not reviewing them. Please forgive this lazy bum :)
I hated this word "Rat Race" when I first heard it in my college. I hated it to the core. Ideally speaking, firstly you are comparing hard working human beings fighting for the basic human needs to rats and then you undermine their potential. Moreover, when you reach college you hear a lot of success stories and anecdotes and in almost all the stories, hero was always the one who chose a different path, stood above the rest and achieved success. Such heroes achieved immortality and God like status where as others are just rats who lack innovation, risk taking ability, courage, strength, confidence and lot other traits. Consequently, just like a child, I also wanted to be a hero and hated filthy rats.
But, as the time turned out, I become what I hated and entered the losers arena. Though what I wanted from life and how I faced reality and reached into mortal’s world is an altogether different story. Anyhow, here I am looking in the mirror and watching a filthy rat sitting lousily on a couch. But I don’t lack confidence, innovation, courage, strength etc etc. My self-respect refuses to accept it and retorts loudly that I am not rat. Then I looked towards my grown tummy and understood beyond doubt that atleast I have one common thing with filthy rats. Anyhow, even if I am a rat, is it that bad?
99% of this world belongs to rats and it can’t be that bad thing to be a rat. At least rats have company and have fun on the way. But then a scary thought struck to me that only heroes can be successful. Does this mean that I am not going to be successful in my life? I then looked at my career. It is decent but definitely someone is not going to quote me as a hero or immortal in success stories. It made me think where I lacked and where I go wrong? After a lot of introspections, my mind came up with an answer and understood that even in a rat race there are few ground rules. People who run mindlessly hit a wall in their career and face problems in growth. Then, what are those rules? Well, there are lots of them. I have a favorite and I call it Mota Chooha vs Chota Chooha rule.
Chota Chooha (Small Rat) has a lot of energy and runs freely wherever he wanted to. Even if someone tries to catch him, he doesn’t get caught easily. He can easily hide due to his size and it gives him excellent opportunities to eat and grow. Now, after some years of easy eating opportunities, the same rat grows in size and becomes a Mota Chooha (Fatty Rat). Now due to his bigger tummy, he can’t run fast. If someone tries to catch him, he is easily visible and gets exhausted after a few escapes here and there. So, this Mota Chooha loses hope and accepts the situation the way it is. He doesn’t make much effort to run, even if he gets spotted. And if someone hits him, he takes those blows and lie down on earth as if he is dead. Once people consider him dead, he raises his head slowly and walks to the corner where he hides or lives. Now this strictly limits his eating and growth opportunities. Everything gets dependent on external factors and that’s why rats are unsuccessful.
In a similar fashion, we also join rat race or professional world as Chota Choohas. We get immense opportunities in career initially and thus grow rapidly. But after few years of munching, we become bigger in size and become Mota Chooha. And, as expected, we also start getting blows from the world and try to adapt to the situation. It strictly limits our growth opportunities and we rely a lot on the external factors for growth. That’s why we don’t feature as hero in success stories.
So, the Mota Chooha vs Chota Chooha rule says that in order to grow you have to be chota chooha in your career. It definitely doesn’t say that you don’t grow bigger in career. It only says that you have to do continuous efforts to go in a bigger environment in career to be a relatively chota chooha. The moment you start taking blows from world and your size becomes misfit in the environment, you are bound to slow down in career.
Thus, even rats can stand out from the crowd and be immortal Gods in success stories. So, being a rat and running in a race is not such a bad idea provided you run with right mind set and attitude. People may call you a rat but you can be successful and have fun at the same time :)
I hated this word "Rat Race" when I first heard it in my college. I hated it to the core. Ideally speaking, firstly you are comparing hard working human beings fighting for the basic human needs to rats and then you undermine their potential. Moreover, when you reach college you hear a lot of success stories and anecdotes and in almost all the stories, hero was always the one who chose a different path, stood above the rest and achieved success. Such heroes achieved immortality and God like status where as others are just rats who lack innovation, risk taking ability, courage, strength, confidence and lot other traits. Consequently, just like a child, I also wanted to be a hero and hated filthy rats.
But, as the time turned out, I become what I hated and entered the losers arena. Though what I wanted from life and how I faced reality and reached into mortal’s world is an altogether different story. Anyhow, here I am looking in the mirror and watching a filthy rat sitting lousily on a couch. But I don’t lack confidence, innovation, courage, strength etc etc. My self-respect refuses to accept it and retorts loudly that I am not rat. Then I looked towards my grown tummy and understood beyond doubt that atleast I have one common thing with filthy rats. Anyhow, even if I am a rat, is it that bad?
99% of this world belongs to rats and it can’t be that bad thing to be a rat. At least rats have company and have fun on the way. But then a scary thought struck to me that only heroes can be successful. Does this mean that I am not going to be successful in my life? I then looked at my career. It is decent but definitely someone is not going to quote me as a hero or immortal in success stories. It made me think where I lacked and where I go wrong? After a lot of introspections, my mind came up with an answer and understood that even in a rat race there are few ground rules. People who run mindlessly hit a wall in their career and face problems in growth. Then, what are those rules? Well, there are lots of them. I have a favorite and I call it Mota Chooha vs Chota Chooha rule.
Chota Chooha (Small Rat) has a lot of energy and runs freely wherever he wanted to. Even if someone tries to catch him, he doesn’t get caught easily. He can easily hide due to his size and it gives him excellent opportunities to eat and grow. Now, after some years of easy eating opportunities, the same rat grows in size and becomes a Mota Chooha (Fatty Rat). Now due to his bigger tummy, he can’t run fast. If someone tries to catch him, he is easily visible and gets exhausted after a few escapes here and there. So, this Mota Chooha loses hope and accepts the situation the way it is. He doesn’t make much effort to run, even if he gets spotted. And if someone hits him, he takes those blows and lie down on earth as if he is dead. Once people consider him dead, he raises his head slowly and walks to the corner where he hides or lives. Now this strictly limits his eating and growth opportunities. Everything gets dependent on external factors and that’s why rats are unsuccessful.
In a similar fashion, we also join rat race or professional world as Chota Choohas. We get immense opportunities in career initially and thus grow rapidly. But after few years of munching, we become bigger in size and become Mota Chooha. And, as expected, we also start getting blows from the world and try to adapt to the situation. It strictly limits our growth opportunities and we rely a lot on the external factors for growth. That’s why we don’t feature as hero in success stories.
So, the Mota Chooha vs Chota Chooha rule says that in order to grow you have to be chota chooha in your career. It definitely doesn’t say that you don’t grow bigger in career. It only says that you have to do continuous efforts to go in a bigger environment in career to be a relatively chota chooha. The moment you start taking blows from world and your size becomes misfit in the environment, you are bound to slow down in career.
Thus, even rats can stand out from the crowd and be immortal Gods in success stories. So, being a rat and running in a race is not such a bad idea provided you run with right mind set and attitude. People may call you a rat but you can be successful and have fun at the same time :)
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Shallowness
I don’t remember how many times I want a thing but don’t go for it because it does not goes in line with the life I have planned for myself. There are always rights and wrongs in my life and I bind myself around these rights and wrongs. I never allow myself to let go even for once. Why can’t I free myself and live in a moment and do what I want to do in that particular moment without thinking about the future ahead, without thinking about my preferences or plans or big picture in life.
But, then I look around and see everyone is doing the same. It gives me some explanations to confuse my mind and go as per the plans. Still the justice is not being done to a valid question. What if my plans are wrong and are not best for me. What if everyone around me is wrong and is confused like me. What if drenching in rain is a better idea of fun. What if kicking my boss’s butt brings me more satisfaction than one year’s work I do. What if running away from job brings me more peace of mind. What if she thinks about me the same way I think about her? What if my hands can turn into wings and I actually can fly.
With all these questions I don’t mean that we should not chase our dreams, we should not plan, and we should not follow the tried, tested and safer path. All I wonder is with all these plans and safer paths whether we forgot the real motive behind all these plans. We forgot that all we want is happiness, calmness and love for ourselves and our families. And, in the process of achieving all these we achieve everything but these basic things. Ego replaces happiness, winning replaces calmness and suddenly we don’t have time for love. But, do I need it. Why the journey has to be so serious, painful and lonely. Isn’t it defeating the whole purpose and I think whether I will be happy and calm when I achieve those big goals and whether I will get back those moments of love that I lost in between. I definitely don’t have answers of all these questions. And this confusion creates a void in my mind, a deep shallowness which inspires me to break free and run from my surroundings. But, then second thoughts rule my mind and I understand that running won’t answer these questions.
Then what is the solution. Someone will say its balance. You need to strike the right balance and achieve everything in life. But, practically speaking I never got this magic wand of balance. For me this race of life is like Mumbai Local trains. Once you are near the door, you have to get in the train. There are no options, people will force you and make you run like them. And, I don’t have the power to change this world. Leave alone this world, I fear changing my own track. Everything I own will be gone once I leave this race. I have responsibilities and I don’t live only for myself. You have to earn to run life and this is a hard reality whether you like it or not.
So, the shallowness of solitude prevails and you lead your life wondering about all these confusions. Carrot wins with the help of confusion and keeps you running whether you want it or not. But my mind still wonders whether it’s the right track, what will happen to the real things I want to achieve, what if the living in a moment is the right thing to do in life?
But, then I look around and see everyone is doing the same. It gives me some explanations to confuse my mind and go as per the plans. Still the justice is not being done to a valid question. What if my plans are wrong and are not best for me. What if everyone around me is wrong and is confused like me. What if drenching in rain is a better idea of fun. What if kicking my boss’s butt brings me more satisfaction than one year’s work I do. What if running away from job brings me more peace of mind. What if she thinks about me the same way I think about her? What if my hands can turn into wings and I actually can fly.
With all these questions I don’t mean that we should not chase our dreams, we should not plan, and we should not follow the tried, tested and safer path. All I wonder is with all these plans and safer paths whether we forgot the real motive behind all these plans. We forgot that all we want is happiness, calmness and love for ourselves and our families. And, in the process of achieving all these we achieve everything but these basic things. Ego replaces happiness, winning replaces calmness and suddenly we don’t have time for love. But, do I need it. Why the journey has to be so serious, painful and lonely. Isn’t it defeating the whole purpose and I think whether I will be happy and calm when I achieve those big goals and whether I will get back those moments of love that I lost in between. I definitely don’t have answers of all these questions. And this confusion creates a void in my mind, a deep shallowness which inspires me to break free and run from my surroundings. But, then second thoughts rule my mind and I understand that running won’t answer these questions.
Then what is the solution. Someone will say its balance. You need to strike the right balance and achieve everything in life. But, practically speaking I never got this magic wand of balance. For me this race of life is like Mumbai Local trains. Once you are near the door, you have to get in the train. There are no options, people will force you and make you run like them. And, I don’t have the power to change this world. Leave alone this world, I fear changing my own track. Everything I own will be gone once I leave this race. I have responsibilities and I don’t live only for myself. You have to earn to run life and this is a hard reality whether you like it or not.
So, the shallowness of solitude prevails and you lead your life wondering about all these confusions. Carrot wins with the help of confusion and keeps you running whether you want it or not. But my mind still wonders whether it’s the right track, what will happen to the real things I want to achieve, what if the living in a moment is the right thing to do in life?
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Deceptive Eyes : Chapter 2
PS: Usually PS refers to Post Script but this is Pre Script :) This is the first hand draft and I am feeling too lazy to edit it. So you may find a few errors.
Chapter:2
Today
Waitress called me again “Do you need something Sir?”
I said “One Fresh Lime please.”
She left me alone and I got some relief.
A beautiful girl with deep eyes wearing yellow and white entered the restaurant and said to the restaurant staff with a dimply smile
“I’m looking for Mr. Sunny.”
Soumya entered the restaurant.
A waiter accompanied her and showed my table. She was smiling and waved at me. She was looking as fresh and unperturbed as if nothing has happened. She was looking awesome in her yellow and white. Some part of my heart which was feeling betrayed a few moments ago, again started beating for her very fast. I don’t know how girls manage to look so good even in such circumstances. If I have to describe myself, I was looking pale as if I haven’t eaten and slept from last few months. My face was describing very clearly that I have not taken shower from last 2 days. The only thing that was saving me was heavy loads of cologne perfume and washed clothes. Immediately my brain took control over my heart and reminded me how she has betrayed me. Even her freshness is the proof that she doesn’t care a damn about me and the relationship. This thought enabled me to gather some strength and confront her.
“Hi” She said cheerfully.
“Hello” I replied in anguish. I was getting agitated from her easy and casual approach to the issue.
“How are you?”
“How I should be?”
“Probably good”
“I am not having affair with my ex-girlfriend and betraying you to feel good like you.” I said harshly.
She kept silent.
“What was wrong? Where I lacked? Was my love not sufficient enough? Or was it the physical needs which you miss very dearly after separating from him? But wait a minute; I remember you don’t like the physical aspect of love? Or was it because you don’t like someone else other than him touching you? And that was the reason you make disgusting faces when I try to touch you?”
She kept silent again. This agitated me even more.
“Don’t keep silent. Answer me!” I shouted.
Few people in the restaurant turned around and looked at us. They looked me with disgust and gave a stare as if I am the biggest weed of society who shouts and hits every girl he saw.
I somehow managed a smile to show that I am the innocent one.
“It was not like that” she murmured.
“Then how it is? Please tell me” I said slowly and carefully.
“I have not done any wrong. And, please don’t talk cheap things to me” she said with her head down.
I was fuming with the reply.
“I am talking cheap. You are shameless when you do it and when I ask why? I am cheap.”
She kept silent again with her head down hiding her face and eyes.
“You are darling of your entire office. You talk dirty with your ex even when you have promised me that you will not speak to him. And, above all, to remove the traces you were deleting the chats from your mail account.” I was talking as if I was drunk. Emotions were overpowering me.
“You betrayed me. I loved you from last 5 years and never thought about anyone else. My love was not good enough. What he had that I did not gave you? Why Soumya? Why?” I was crying and tears fell down my eyes.
“I love you Soumya and I will not come in between if you love Savraj. You don’t have to do all this. If you have just told me, I would have stepped aside on my own. And, I would have felt proud that at least this much I have earned in these 5 years that you told me directly and clearly. At least I have earned your friendship, if not love in these 5 years. But I am a loser. And, this loser still has feelings for you. I will go away from your life. You don’t have to feel bad. If some one asks you tell them that I had an affair in my office and ditched you. You will never see this loser again…….” I was talking with tears all over my face. I was feeling numb and emotionally broke down.
Soumya stopped me in between and lifted her head with tears all over her face “I will not do it again. Please forgive me. I will never talk to any one ever in my life. I have not done any wrong. I was just talking. And if you don’t like it, I will never talk to any one until you allow. But, please don’t leave me. I can’t live without you. I never thought that it will lead us to this point. Please forgive me.” she cried aloud.
Now everyone in the restaurant was looking at us. I don’t know why people just can’t mind their own business. They were looking at us as if some movie is going on. An innocent girl is crying before a rich brat to accept her and he is making some indecent proposals.
We both were embarrassed.
We stayed quiet for some time.
I looked around but nobody wanted to eat. They still don’t want to miss a single glimpse of the show we were presenting.
My cell phone buzzed hard to get my attention. I came back to my senses and checked my cell phone.
It was showing 8 missed calls from office.
I analyzed the situation and thought that this will not be sorted out at a public place.
“Let’s move out.” I requested Soumya.
“Ok.” She said wiping her face.
I paid the bill and immediately get out of the restaurant to save ourselves from more embarrassment.
My cell phone buzzed again and I took the call.
“Hello”
“Sunny, where are you? Its Pooja here”,
“Hi Pooja. Why you are calling me like hell”
“Come to Office immediately. Boss has called emergency meeting to discuss something very important and he has some important announcements to make.”
“But today is Saturday”
“I am not calling you. My duty was to give you the message. If you have any issues about Saturdays or Sundays, talk to boss directly.” And she banged the phone.
“What the F….” I shouted loud.
“What happened?” Soumya asked me.
“It’s my boss again. Devil wants to meet us all on Saturday. Why all such meetings he has to do on Saturdays only.”
“Now what?” she asked.
“I will see you at my place in the evening. We are still not done yet. We will discuss in evening.”
I said and rushed towards my office.
Pooja is the secretary of our big boss. She does practically all those works which our boss is supposed to do for us. Any how she is not important to be discussed. In fact I never gave her any importance in office as well and that was the reason, she treats me the same way.
I reached my office and saw no one around. I looked for Pooja and even she was not there in her cubical. I felt that the meeting has already started and I am late once again. All the hard work that I have put in this year will be wasted just because of this one day. I was working as a virtual team lead from last one year in the absence of any manager and I have given my heart and soul to get that place this year. Even a month back boss has informed that I will become manager this year considering the good works I have done in past one year. Now everything seems to be a distant dream just because of this entire mental trauma given by Soumya.
I checked all meeting rooms but all are empty. I saw one occupied training room and image of my boss. I rushed towards it and entered the room.
I saw some unknown faces and our MD. I immediately sensed that I have done a big blunder now and this will cost me my job.
‘Yes. What you want?” My boss enquired.
“Sorry Sir. I mistook this meeting as our team meeting you have called today.” I explained.
“Ok. I’m busy now. We will do it immediately after this meeting. Pass on this message to Pooja and every one.” He ordered.
“Ok. Sorry Sir.” I apologized once again.
I cursed Pooja for calling me so early and not giving complete information. I went towards canteen to cool me off.
I saw Pooja in the canteen eating with some new face.
This was strange because she always eats with our team mates to bring team spirit within the team for which boss has no time. And, I never understood how eating with entire team will bring team spirit. In fact it brings disgust in me to be forced to eat with all the idiots I don’t like. Anyhow that’s a different story.
“Why didn’t you tell me the time of meeting and why didn’t you inform me that boss is on some other meeting?” I confronted Pooja.
“You never gave me chance. I thought you are too busy to come as it is Saturday.” She said with a satisfaction grin on her face as if she has taken revenge of all the crap and insult I gave her every day.
I have no answers except abusing her which I can’t do in office. Sometimes I feel it’s very important to make good reputation with all the peons and PA’s. They can hurt you very bad when their time comes.
“Meet Mr Savraj Malhotra. He is the new joinee in our team.” Pooja opened her mouth again.
The name struck me like a hammer in my head. I was dumb folded for few seconds and don’t know how to react.
“Hi, Savraj” Savraj brings forward his hand with a smile.
“Hello, Sunny”, I said shaking hands with him in disbelief.
I have never seen any picture of Soumya’s ex-boyfriend but my heart keeps saying me that he is the same bastard. My mind took over and said that there are many people with same names in this world. God can’t be so cruel to me.
“I worked in Nat Communications earlier. I joined today only.” Savraj introduced himself.
“Where you belong basically?” My mind was still struggling to find the same answer.
“Kanpur”, he confirmed.
Now this was a strange coincidence because Soumya also belongs to Kanpur. And, obviously, her ex boy friend will also be from Kanpur only because she is with me in Mumbai after her graduation.
I looked at Savraj once again. He is short 5’5”, black in complexion and has some scary features. Physically he has good built with nice muscles but all those muscles were not suiting him because of his height. Moreover, he has a very strange cheeky girly voice. I looked at his plate and realized he don’t even know how to eat. I was dead sure that this guy can never get a girl like Soumya in his life. And, above all, taking girl from a guy like me will make this herculean task impossible for him.
I calmed down and realized the stupidity of my mind which is still stuck with Soumya.
“You guys carry on. I will join you in 10 minutes.” Pooja intervened.
I just hate this girl. Now I have to sit with this prototype of Soumya’s ex and face some more mental stress. I looked towards sky to find god to plead but of no help.
As soon as Pooja left, he started the conversation again.
“How is the office dude? I mean the chicks?” He winked me.
I was taken away by the sheer audacity of this guy. He was looking so decent when Pooja was here and now he is enquiring about the girls and that too on the very first day of his office.
“Pardon?” I asked
“Girls, dude. How are the girls here? You must be stud here. Are they open? How many you have banged?”
Now this guy is seriously pissing me off. I just can’t stand him. How dare he ask such questions on the first meeting? Yes guys talk like that but with friends. You can’t go to anyone and ask what is your score with the girls in this office? It’s not cricket score for god’s sake. Any how I calmed myself and remembered that he is my new team mate and this world is full of scoundrels. I will meet such guys every day and I have to work with them.
“None. I am not so popular with girls.” I replied decently.
“Huhhh.. I can’t believe it. You look great man. Even a guy like me scores here in Mumbai. You should be a heartthrob.” He says with a smile.
Now this must be a complement I believe. But, I am in no mood to take complements at this moment and especially not if his name is Savraj. I hate all Savrajs and I even hate all Malhotras now.
“Don’t know. But I have a girlfriend and I am good with her.” I said modestly.
“Aaahhh. You are one woman man. Well, good for you. But I must tell you that I am quite open with women.” He said with a wink.
I looked at him again. If a girl does not puke after getting one good close look of him, then it should have been achievement for him. But, anyhow, I have to accept all these crap because he is my team mate.
“Hmmm… So you are Casanova?” I asked with an artificial grin.
“Well, I must tell you, handling girls is an art. You should know how to tame girls. The more difficult a girl is, the more I enjoy.” He said proudly.
I spoke in my mind loudly “Is this guy out of his mind? Is he talking about TAMING girls?”
“Well I can’t believe you.” I said to carry on the conversation and know more about him.
“You know, I have dumped a girl 6 years back and still she pleads me to satisfy her. You should know the weak spots of these girls and then they will come to you on their knees.”
Now this line struck me hard and mind was correlating thousand wires together.
“It can’ be. What was her name?” I asked
“Well it’s a secret. And, I should not tell her name because that’s what keeps me going. But you are my friend and since you are one woman man, I will tell you. Her name is Soumya.”
His words were like a 1000 Volt shock. Blood rushed on my face and it felt like my nerves will blast soon. I pressed my knuckles hard to control and get more information.
“How you tamed her actually?” I asked him in the same language he was using. I was filled with disgust and shame in my mind.
“Nothing. The same, I told you earlier. You should know a girl’s soft spot and press hard over there.” He winked again.
“Hi Guys, what you are discussing?” Pooja came back, again at a wrong time. I just wanted to take her neck in my hand and keep punching her hard on her face till she is knocked over.
“Nothing. Just office stuff.” Savraj said. He looked at me with a grin.
“Ok. I will tell you all the office stuff in detail. Your work, team mates, other colleagues, and everything else you need.” Pooja replied with a smile.
Now this was one more shock for me. How come a devil like Pooja is sweet to him? Either this guy has some magical powers or they have some genetic connection because both looks like vampires.
“Meeting will start after 2 hours and Savraj you come with me, we need to do few office formalities.” Pooja stated once again.
“Ok. Bye Sunny.” Said Savraj.
I heaved a sigh of relief. At least now I am left alone and I have no vampires to suck my blood.
Now I was left alone and my mind was recalling all the incidents happened in last 24 hours.
I remembered Soumya and her words echoed in my mind
“Please forgive me…. I will never talk to any one ever in my life”.
Then the words of Savraj echoed
“I have dumped a girl 6 years back and still she pleads me to satisfy her”.
Soumya’s words came back
“I was just talking. And if you don’t like it, I will never talk to any one until you allow.”
Savraj’s words echoed again
“You should know how to tame girls”.
“Please don’t leave me”, Soumya’s words echoed back.
“You should know a girl’s soft spot and press hard over there”, Savraj’s words overpowered her pleading.
“Please forgive me.” Soumya echoed again.
“Her name is Soumya”, Savraj shouted.
I closed my ears using both my hands and put my head on the table in front of me.
I was completely drenched in sweat and feeling drained. My love life is taking toll of me and I am unable to bear the pressure.
I wanted to release some. So, I decided to check out some porn on internet to calm my nerves. Only a girl can relieve you from all the pains given by another girl.
I moved to my cubicle and opened some good local porn site. I immediately get a warning from Network Administrator that I don’t have the privileges to visit any site other than intranet.
Now when a person wants to escape from all the pressures to be able to present him better in the meeting that starts after 2 hours in which he may get his team leadership, these IT people didn’t allow him. I know my boss’s password to access internet but there was only one problem that only one person can access internet at any given moment from any machine. The only problem was that if my boss was accessing internet, his account will be closed and all his opened sessions will be opened from this PC. Now this can get me in serious trouble as he may know that some one is using his password to access internet and I will be his first suspect.
The feeling of accessing porn has taken over me and I want some relief. So, I took a risk and went towards training room once again to check out what my boss is doing. He was giving a presentation on the projector showing a curve which is moving sky high. I don’t know why all these corporate graphs have only one direction i.e. upwards even when company is making heavy losses? Any how, this question involves a big research and I was not in a position to carry out this research at this phase of my life.
The best part was road to porn was clear and I can now relieve all my stresses.
I logged in my PC using my boss’s password and opened the favorite site. It didn’t disappoint me and showed some good girls on the home page itself. I clicked one picture to enlarge it. It started to come in segments. The face of girl came first. Then hair. Then shoulders. Then legs that formed a different pose. And then the session went off and my desktop wallpaper is staring at me.
“Oh shit!!!!” I shouted almost loudly.
“What happened?” Pooja enquired from her cubicle.
“Nothing.” I said. But I knew a lot has happened and I am finished and not only my job but also my entire career is finished.
“What is this???” Now my boss shouted who is close to computer illiterate.
I and Pooja both ran to training room where the meeting was going on with MD.
“Who was using my session, Sunny? How this stuff is there on this laptop”.
I along with Pooja looked at the projector where a girl is standing naked in embarrassing pose and everyone is controlling their laugh.
“Let me check Sir.” I said innocently.
I closed the porn sites and then tried to do some computer engineering by opening control panel and removing some software. I tried to pretend to do some more technical stuff by uselessly roaming in Windows folder and then closing it.
“There is a virus in this laptop sir which is directing the internet explorer automatically to these sites. I have deleted it Sir but it would be better if you scan your entire laptop with an updated anti-virus. You use a different laptop sir. I will take up with IT team to rectify it.” I said confidently. This confidence is my only asset which helps me every time I depend on it.
My boss approves with a nod and said “Ok.”
MD approached me and said “Thanks”.
Now I was being thanked to visit porn sites on office internet. Any how I thanked god and pleaded him to make such arrangements that there will be no further enquiries in this matter and I will come to temple every day for next 7 days. I pledged that I will never watch porn in my entire life.
I left the laptop in my cubicle and went to rest room to pacify my mind from all the things happening to me today.
I came back and put my head on my desk and tried to take a nap.
I saw Soumya standing at a distance. I ran towards her to hold her and held her in my arms to forget all my worries. I ran hard and when I reach closer, I saw a vampire coming in between and jumping on me. Vampire opened his mouth and bit me on my neck and said “Boss is calling you.”
I was astonished to hear such words from a vampire. I looked again and it’s Pooja.
It was a bad dream. But still some part of the dream was true that I want to hug Soumya and Pooja is a vampire.
All my team mates were there in a meeting room and I also rushed towards it.
My Boss started “As you all know that due to global recession this is a tough year for us. But still we performed a lot better than our competitors. Our management has higher goals and wants to fulfill organization’s vision in spite of the recession. We look at this recession as an opportunity. An opportunity to invest when all our competitors are not investing. And reap its benefits when the economy will be booming once again. But to achieve it, we need to meet more stiff targets and work even harder.”
I want to laugh at all this crap. Whether there is recession or no recession, management always wants its employees to work harder and achieve stiff targets. Every year they give the same shit.
“From last one year, you are working without a manager and you all have managed a great show without a manager. Special thanks to Mr Sunny for wearing two hats.”
I knew he was coming on the point I waited for one full year.
“But now, you will have a full time manager. Allow me to present your new manager”
My heart was pounding and I positioned myself to go in front.
“Mr Savraj Malhotra”
The name once again hit me like a big hammer. The bastard has taken my girl and now he is taking my dream as well. I cried to God, how you can be so cruel to me.
That room become suffocating for me. I left the chair and left the room to breathe some air.
I was hurt and broken. God has taken everything from me in one single day. I want to cry but tears were not coming out of my eyes. I want to shout but my voice was choking. I left the office and head straight towards my room.
I thought about Soumya and her betrayal. I thought about Savraj and her cheap tricks taking my job as well as girl. I felt ashamed and realized that I am a biggest loser of this earth who lost his job, dream and girl to the same man.
My mind was fuming with revenge. I wanted revenge from all. Soumya made physical relations with Savraj and refused me even for a kiss from past 5 years. I wanted to teach her a lesson. Savraj was no one but Soumya was my own love with whom I have shared every single aspect of my life in last 5 years.
I reached home and saw that lock is open. I remembered that I have called Soumya in the evening and she has my room’s key. My eyes were looking for revenge.
I entered my room and she was standing in the kitchen making sandwiches.
I held her arm and pushed her towards me. In no time she was standing towards me face to face. She looked in my eyes. My eyes were filled with revenge and hatred towards her.
I put my hand inside her shirt. I touched her inner flesh and moved my slowly upwards. She did not move and kept looking me in my eyes. I looked down with lust and tore her shirt. I threw her on bed and jumped on her like an animal. I bit her on her neck tightly and lifted my face up. I looked in her eyes. She is still looking at me in my eyes. A tear come in her eye and drop from her eyelid to her cheek. I realized that I am actually raping and hurting the only girl I love and she is lying on bed unmoved staring at me with a tear on her cheek.
I hated myself and felt like an animal. Tears fell down my eyes and moved back and cried loud.
“You are the same”, said Soumya.
I don’t know what she meant and tears fell down my eyes with more vigor and I was crying like a child.
She remained unmoved and said again “You are not different from Savraj”
I felt pain again and wanted to hit her hard for this comparison.
“Keep your observations and sexual encounters to yourself only. I am not interested. Leave me” I cried hard.
She said again “Do you want to know what happened between me and Savraj?”
I wiped my tears and remained silent.
She began:
“I know him from my school days. He got admission in Lucknow where as I got a college in Kanpur. When he was leaving he proposed me and I accepted. After 3 months, he came back to Kanpur on vacation. I invited him to my house and made sure that we will get alone time. He came to my room and we chatted for 5 to 10 minutes. He then tried to get cozy and kissed me. He then unbuttoned me and kissed me on my neck. I was a kid then and was feeling very uncomfortable with his advances but I did not resisted initially. He then put his hand inside my jeans. I threw him away and told him that I don’t like all these things. I closed my buttons and normalized everything. He remained silent for few minutes. I think he was hurt and tried to console him and kissed him on his cheek. He kissed me back and again started unbuttoning me. I scolded him that I have already told him that I don’t like all these things. His ego was hurt. He moved his hand and hit me hard on my face. I was down. He then abused me and kicked me hard in my stomach. I cried and shouted. He put the bed sheet in my face and tied me down. I was crying but no one was there to help me. He then raped me and left my house.”
The Word R A P E keeps echoing in my head and all the blood rushed on my head and face.
“I remained in the same position for few hours. Then I gathered some strength and free myself from bed sheet. I cleaned myself and took a pledge that I will make him cry even more in life. I have not told anyone about this incident because I wanted this hatred to live inside me. When you make love to me, it reminds me of the same incident but when I told you to stop and you oblige I felt proud and delighted that you are not the same man. But today, I saw the same animal in your eyes. You are not different from Savraj.” She said and cried loudly.
I felt pathetic and I hated myself to the core.
“I am not same Soumya. I love you.” I cried and hugged Soumya.
Soumya hugged me back and we both cried together. I felt her pain and strength simultaneously. We laid there for hours hugging each other without uttering a single word.
She then slept in my arms along with her tears. I adjusted her in comfortable position in my bed and moved away from her.
I went in front of the mirror and looked in my eyes.
Those were the eyes of a man who lost his respect, dignity and honor in his own eyes.
I want my honor back and I knew how I can get it back.
I went to my balcony and stand on its railing.
I looked down and then looked at the Mumbai city outside.
I shouted loudly with all my strength and looked back to the city.
City was calm and quiet in the night. I thought loudly “Savraj I will make you pay for this”
………… To be Continued………………
Chapter:2
Today
Waitress called me again “Do you need something Sir?”
I said “One Fresh Lime please.”
She left me alone and I got some relief.
A beautiful girl with deep eyes wearing yellow and white entered the restaurant and said to the restaurant staff with a dimply smile
“I’m looking for Mr. Sunny.”
Soumya entered the restaurant.
A waiter accompanied her and showed my table. She was smiling and waved at me. She was looking as fresh and unperturbed as if nothing has happened. She was looking awesome in her yellow and white. Some part of my heart which was feeling betrayed a few moments ago, again started beating for her very fast. I don’t know how girls manage to look so good even in such circumstances. If I have to describe myself, I was looking pale as if I haven’t eaten and slept from last few months. My face was describing very clearly that I have not taken shower from last 2 days. The only thing that was saving me was heavy loads of cologne perfume and washed clothes. Immediately my brain took control over my heart and reminded me how she has betrayed me. Even her freshness is the proof that she doesn’t care a damn about me and the relationship. This thought enabled me to gather some strength and confront her.
“Hi” She said cheerfully.
“Hello” I replied in anguish. I was getting agitated from her easy and casual approach to the issue.
“How are you?”
“How I should be?”
“Probably good”
“I am not having affair with my ex-girlfriend and betraying you to feel good like you.” I said harshly.
She kept silent.
“What was wrong? Where I lacked? Was my love not sufficient enough? Or was it the physical needs which you miss very dearly after separating from him? But wait a minute; I remember you don’t like the physical aspect of love? Or was it because you don’t like someone else other than him touching you? And that was the reason you make disgusting faces when I try to touch you?”
She kept silent again. This agitated me even more.
“Don’t keep silent. Answer me!” I shouted.
Few people in the restaurant turned around and looked at us. They looked me with disgust and gave a stare as if I am the biggest weed of society who shouts and hits every girl he saw.
I somehow managed a smile to show that I am the innocent one.
“It was not like that” she murmured.
“Then how it is? Please tell me” I said slowly and carefully.
“I have not done any wrong. And, please don’t talk cheap things to me” she said with her head down.
I was fuming with the reply.
“I am talking cheap. You are shameless when you do it and when I ask why? I am cheap.”
She kept silent again with her head down hiding her face and eyes.
“You are darling of your entire office. You talk dirty with your ex even when you have promised me that you will not speak to him. And, above all, to remove the traces you were deleting the chats from your mail account.” I was talking as if I was drunk. Emotions were overpowering me.
“You betrayed me. I loved you from last 5 years and never thought about anyone else. My love was not good enough. What he had that I did not gave you? Why Soumya? Why?” I was crying and tears fell down my eyes.
“I love you Soumya and I will not come in between if you love Savraj. You don’t have to do all this. If you have just told me, I would have stepped aside on my own. And, I would have felt proud that at least this much I have earned in these 5 years that you told me directly and clearly. At least I have earned your friendship, if not love in these 5 years. But I am a loser. And, this loser still has feelings for you. I will go away from your life. You don’t have to feel bad. If some one asks you tell them that I had an affair in my office and ditched you. You will never see this loser again…….” I was talking with tears all over my face. I was feeling numb and emotionally broke down.
Soumya stopped me in between and lifted her head with tears all over her face “I will not do it again. Please forgive me. I will never talk to any one ever in my life. I have not done any wrong. I was just talking. And if you don’t like it, I will never talk to any one until you allow. But, please don’t leave me. I can’t live without you. I never thought that it will lead us to this point. Please forgive me.” she cried aloud.
Now everyone in the restaurant was looking at us. I don’t know why people just can’t mind their own business. They were looking at us as if some movie is going on. An innocent girl is crying before a rich brat to accept her and he is making some indecent proposals.
We both were embarrassed.
We stayed quiet for some time.
I looked around but nobody wanted to eat. They still don’t want to miss a single glimpse of the show we were presenting.
My cell phone buzzed hard to get my attention. I came back to my senses and checked my cell phone.
It was showing 8 missed calls from office.
I analyzed the situation and thought that this will not be sorted out at a public place.
“Let’s move out.” I requested Soumya.
“Ok.” She said wiping her face.
I paid the bill and immediately get out of the restaurant to save ourselves from more embarrassment.
My cell phone buzzed again and I took the call.
“Hello”
“Sunny, where are you? Its Pooja here”,
“Hi Pooja. Why you are calling me like hell”
“Come to Office immediately. Boss has called emergency meeting to discuss something very important and he has some important announcements to make.”
“But today is Saturday”
“I am not calling you. My duty was to give you the message. If you have any issues about Saturdays or Sundays, talk to boss directly.” And she banged the phone.
“What the F….” I shouted loud.
“What happened?” Soumya asked me.
“It’s my boss again. Devil wants to meet us all on Saturday. Why all such meetings he has to do on Saturdays only.”
“Now what?” she asked.
“I will see you at my place in the evening. We are still not done yet. We will discuss in evening.”
I said and rushed towards my office.
Pooja is the secretary of our big boss. She does practically all those works which our boss is supposed to do for us. Any how she is not important to be discussed. In fact I never gave her any importance in office as well and that was the reason, she treats me the same way.
I reached my office and saw no one around. I looked for Pooja and even she was not there in her cubical. I felt that the meeting has already started and I am late once again. All the hard work that I have put in this year will be wasted just because of this one day. I was working as a virtual team lead from last one year in the absence of any manager and I have given my heart and soul to get that place this year. Even a month back boss has informed that I will become manager this year considering the good works I have done in past one year. Now everything seems to be a distant dream just because of this entire mental trauma given by Soumya.
I checked all meeting rooms but all are empty. I saw one occupied training room and image of my boss. I rushed towards it and entered the room.
I saw some unknown faces and our MD. I immediately sensed that I have done a big blunder now and this will cost me my job.
‘Yes. What you want?” My boss enquired.
“Sorry Sir. I mistook this meeting as our team meeting you have called today.” I explained.
“Ok. I’m busy now. We will do it immediately after this meeting. Pass on this message to Pooja and every one.” He ordered.
“Ok. Sorry Sir.” I apologized once again.
I cursed Pooja for calling me so early and not giving complete information. I went towards canteen to cool me off.
I saw Pooja in the canteen eating with some new face.
This was strange because she always eats with our team mates to bring team spirit within the team for which boss has no time. And, I never understood how eating with entire team will bring team spirit. In fact it brings disgust in me to be forced to eat with all the idiots I don’t like. Anyhow that’s a different story.
“Why didn’t you tell me the time of meeting and why didn’t you inform me that boss is on some other meeting?” I confronted Pooja.
“You never gave me chance. I thought you are too busy to come as it is Saturday.” She said with a satisfaction grin on her face as if she has taken revenge of all the crap and insult I gave her every day.
I have no answers except abusing her which I can’t do in office. Sometimes I feel it’s very important to make good reputation with all the peons and PA’s. They can hurt you very bad when their time comes.
“Meet Mr Savraj Malhotra. He is the new joinee in our team.” Pooja opened her mouth again.
The name struck me like a hammer in my head. I was dumb folded for few seconds and don’t know how to react.
“Hi, Savraj” Savraj brings forward his hand with a smile.
“Hello, Sunny”, I said shaking hands with him in disbelief.
I have never seen any picture of Soumya’s ex-boyfriend but my heart keeps saying me that he is the same bastard. My mind took over and said that there are many people with same names in this world. God can’t be so cruel to me.
“I worked in Nat Communications earlier. I joined today only.” Savraj introduced himself.
“Where you belong basically?” My mind was still struggling to find the same answer.
“Kanpur”, he confirmed.
Now this was a strange coincidence because Soumya also belongs to Kanpur. And, obviously, her ex boy friend will also be from Kanpur only because she is with me in Mumbai after her graduation.
I looked at Savraj once again. He is short 5’5”, black in complexion and has some scary features. Physically he has good built with nice muscles but all those muscles were not suiting him because of his height. Moreover, he has a very strange cheeky girly voice. I looked at his plate and realized he don’t even know how to eat. I was dead sure that this guy can never get a girl like Soumya in his life. And, above all, taking girl from a guy like me will make this herculean task impossible for him.
I calmed down and realized the stupidity of my mind which is still stuck with Soumya.
“You guys carry on. I will join you in 10 minutes.” Pooja intervened.
I just hate this girl. Now I have to sit with this prototype of Soumya’s ex and face some more mental stress. I looked towards sky to find god to plead but of no help.
As soon as Pooja left, he started the conversation again.
“How is the office dude? I mean the chicks?” He winked me.
I was taken away by the sheer audacity of this guy. He was looking so decent when Pooja was here and now he is enquiring about the girls and that too on the very first day of his office.
“Pardon?” I asked
“Girls, dude. How are the girls here? You must be stud here. Are they open? How many you have banged?”
Now this guy is seriously pissing me off. I just can’t stand him. How dare he ask such questions on the first meeting? Yes guys talk like that but with friends. You can’t go to anyone and ask what is your score with the girls in this office? It’s not cricket score for god’s sake. Any how I calmed myself and remembered that he is my new team mate and this world is full of scoundrels. I will meet such guys every day and I have to work with them.
“None. I am not so popular with girls.” I replied decently.
“Huhhh.. I can’t believe it. You look great man. Even a guy like me scores here in Mumbai. You should be a heartthrob.” He says with a smile.
Now this must be a complement I believe. But, I am in no mood to take complements at this moment and especially not if his name is Savraj. I hate all Savrajs and I even hate all Malhotras now.
“Don’t know. But I have a girlfriend and I am good with her.” I said modestly.
“Aaahhh. You are one woman man. Well, good for you. But I must tell you that I am quite open with women.” He said with a wink.
I looked at him again. If a girl does not puke after getting one good close look of him, then it should have been achievement for him. But, anyhow, I have to accept all these crap because he is my team mate.
“Hmmm… So you are Casanova?” I asked with an artificial grin.
“Well, I must tell you, handling girls is an art. You should know how to tame girls. The more difficult a girl is, the more I enjoy.” He said proudly.
I spoke in my mind loudly “Is this guy out of his mind? Is he talking about TAMING girls?”
“Well I can’t believe you.” I said to carry on the conversation and know more about him.
“You know, I have dumped a girl 6 years back and still she pleads me to satisfy her. You should know the weak spots of these girls and then they will come to you on their knees.”
Now this line struck me hard and mind was correlating thousand wires together.
“It can’ be. What was her name?” I asked
“Well it’s a secret. And, I should not tell her name because that’s what keeps me going. But you are my friend and since you are one woman man, I will tell you. Her name is Soumya.”
His words were like a 1000 Volt shock. Blood rushed on my face and it felt like my nerves will blast soon. I pressed my knuckles hard to control and get more information.
“How you tamed her actually?” I asked him in the same language he was using. I was filled with disgust and shame in my mind.
“Nothing. The same, I told you earlier. You should know a girl’s soft spot and press hard over there.” He winked again.
“Hi Guys, what you are discussing?” Pooja came back, again at a wrong time. I just wanted to take her neck in my hand and keep punching her hard on her face till she is knocked over.
“Nothing. Just office stuff.” Savraj said. He looked at me with a grin.
“Ok. I will tell you all the office stuff in detail. Your work, team mates, other colleagues, and everything else you need.” Pooja replied with a smile.
Now this was one more shock for me. How come a devil like Pooja is sweet to him? Either this guy has some magical powers or they have some genetic connection because both looks like vampires.
“Meeting will start after 2 hours and Savraj you come with me, we need to do few office formalities.” Pooja stated once again.
“Ok. Bye Sunny.” Said Savraj.
I heaved a sigh of relief. At least now I am left alone and I have no vampires to suck my blood.
Now I was left alone and my mind was recalling all the incidents happened in last 24 hours.
I remembered Soumya and her words echoed in my mind
“Please forgive me…. I will never talk to any one ever in my life”.
Then the words of Savraj echoed
“I have dumped a girl 6 years back and still she pleads me to satisfy her”.
Soumya’s words came back
“I was just talking. And if you don’t like it, I will never talk to any one until you allow.”
Savraj’s words echoed again
“You should know how to tame girls”.
“Please don’t leave me”, Soumya’s words echoed back.
“You should know a girl’s soft spot and press hard over there”, Savraj’s words overpowered her pleading.
“Please forgive me.” Soumya echoed again.
“Her name is Soumya”, Savraj shouted.
I closed my ears using both my hands and put my head on the table in front of me.
I was completely drenched in sweat and feeling drained. My love life is taking toll of me and I am unable to bear the pressure.
I wanted to release some. So, I decided to check out some porn on internet to calm my nerves. Only a girl can relieve you from all the pains given by another girl.
I moved to my cubicle and opened some good local porn site. I immediately get a warning from Network Administrator that I don’t have the privileges to visit any site other than intranet.
Now when a person wants to escape from all the pressures to be able to present him better in the meeting that starts after 2 hours in which he may get his team leadership, these IT people didn’t allow him. I know my boss’s password to access internet but there was only one problem that only one person can access internet at any given moment from any machine. The only problem was that if my boss was accessing internet, his account will be closed and all his opened sessions will be opened from this PC. Now this can get me in serious trouble as he may know that some one is using his password to access internet and I will be his first suspect.
The feeling of accessing porn has taken over me and I want some relief. So, I took a risk and went towards training room once again to check out what my boss is doing. He was giving a presentation on the projector showing a curve which is moving sky high. I don’t know why all these corporate graphs have only one direction i.e. upwards even when company is making heavy losses? Any how, this question involves a big research and I was not in a position to carry out this research at this phase of my life.
The best part was road to porn was clear and I can now relieve all my stresses.
I logged in my PC using my boss’s password and opened the favorite site. It didn’t disappoint me and showed some good girls on the home page itself. I clicked one picture to enlarge it. It started to come in segments. The face of girl came first. Then hair. Then shoulders. Then legs that formed a different pose. And then the session went off and my desktop wallpaper is staring at me.
“Oh shit!!!!” I shouted almost loudly.
“What happened?” Pooja enquired from her cubicle.
“Nothing.” I said. But I knew a lot has happened and I am finished and not only my job but also my entire career is finished.
“What is this???” Now my boss shouted who is close to computer illiterate.
I and Pooja both ran to training room where the meeting was going on with MD.
“Who was using my session, Sunny? How this stuff is there on this laptop”.
I along with Pooja looked at the projector where a girl is standing naked in embarrassing pose and everyone is controlling their laugh.
“Let me check Sir.” I said innocently.
I closed the porn sites and then tried to do some computer engineering by opening control panel and removing some software. I tried to pretend to do some more technical stuff by uselessly roaming in Windows folder and then closing it.
“There is a virus in this laptop sir which is directing the internet explorer automatically to these sites. I have deleted it Sir but it would be better if you scan your entire laptop with an updated anti-virus. You use a different laptop sir. I will take up with IT team to rectify it.” I said confidently. This confidence is my only asset which helps me every time I depend on it.
My boss approves with a nod and said “Ok.”
MD approached me and said “Thanks”.
Now I was being thanked to visit porn sites on office internet. Any how I thanked god and pleaded him to make such arrangements that there will be no further enquiries in this matter and I will come to temple every day for next 7 days. I pledged that I will never watch porn in my entire life.
I left the laptop in my cubicle and went to rest room to pacify my mind from all the things happening to me today.
I came back and put my head on my desk and tried to take a nap.
I saw Soumya standing at a distance. I ran towards her to hold her and held her in my arms to forget all my worries. I ran hard and when I reach closer, I saw a vampire coming in between and jumping on me. Vampire opened his mouth and bit me on my neck and said “Boss is calling you.”
I was astonished to hear such words from a vampire. I looked again and it’s Pooja.
It was a bad dream. But still some part of the dream was true that I want to hug Soumya and Pooja is a vampire.
All my team mates were there in a meeting room and I also rushed towards it.
My Boss started “As you all know that due to global recession this is a tough year for us. But still we performed a lot better than our competitors. Our management has higher goals and wants to fulfill organization’s vision in spite of the recession. We look at this recession as an opportunity. An opportunity to invest when all our competitors are not investing. And reap its benefits when the economy will be booming once again. But to achieve it, we need to meet more stiff targets and work even harder.”
I want to laugh at all this crap. Whether there is recession or no recession, management always wants its employees to work harder and achieve stiff targets. Every year they give the same shit.
“From last one year, you are working without a manager and you all have managed a great show without a manager. Special thanks to Mr Sunny for wearing two hats.”
I knew he was coming on the point I waited for one full year.
“But now, you will have a full time manager. Allow me to present your new manager”
My heart was pounding and I positioned myself to go in front.
“Mr Savraj Malhotra”
The name once again hit me like a big hammer. The bastard has taken my girl and now he is taking my dream as well. I cried to God, how you can be so cruel to me.
That room become suffocating for me. I left the chair and left the room to breathe some air.
I was hurt and broken. God has taken everything from me in one single day. I want to cry but tears were not coming out of my eyes. I want to shout but my voice was choking. I left the office and head straight towards my room.
I thought about Soumya and her betrayal. I thought about Savraj and her cheap tricks taking my job as well as girl. I felt ashamed and realized that I am a biggest loser of this earth who lost his job, dream and girl to the same man.
My mind was fuming with revenge. I wanted revenge from all. Soumya made physical relations with Savraj and refused me even for a kiss from past 5 years. I wanted to teach her a lesson. Savraj was no one but Soumya was my own love with whom I have shared every single aspect of my life in last 5 years.
I reached home and saw that lock is open. I remembered that I have called Soumya in the evening and she has my room’s key. My eyes were looking for revenge.
I entered my room and she was standing in the kitchen making sandwiches.
I held her arm and pushed her towards me. In no time she was standing towards me face to face. She looked in my eyes. My eyes were filled with revenge and hatred towards her.
I put my hand inside her shirt. I touched her inner flesh and moved my slowly upwards. She did not move and kept looking me in my eyes. I looked down with lust and tore her shirt. I threw her on bed and jumped on her like an animal. I bit her on her neck tightly and lifted my face up. I looked in her eyes. She is still looking at me in my eyes. A tear come in her eye and drop from her eyelid to her cheek. I realized that I am actually raping and hurting the only girl I love and she is lying on bed unmoved staring at me with a tear on her cheek.
I hated myself and felt like an animal. Tears fell down my eyes and moved back and cried loud.
“You are the same”, said Soumya.
I don’t know what she meant and tears fell down my eyes with more vigor and I was crying like a child.
She remained unmoved and said again “You are not different from Savraj”
I felt pain again and wanted to hit her hard for this comparison.
“Keep your observations and sexual encounters to yourself only. I am not interested. Leave me” I cried hard.
She said again “Do you want to know what happened between me and Savraj?”
I wiped my tears and remained silent.
She began:
“I know him from my school days. He got admission in Lucknow where as I got a college in Kanpur. When he was leaving he proposed me and I accepted. After 3 months, he came back to Kanpur on vacation. I invited him to my house and made sure that we will get alone time. He came to my room and we chatted for 5 to 10 minutes. He then tried to get cozy and kissed me. He then unbuttoned me and kissed me on my neck. I was a kid then and was feeling very uncomfortable with his advances but I did not resisted initially. He then put his hand inside my jeans. I threw him away and told him that I don’t like all these things. I closed my buttons and normalized everything. He remained silent for few minutes. I think he was hurt and tried to console him and kissed him on his cheek. He kissed me back and again started unbuttoning me. I scolded him that I have already told him that I don’t like all these things. His ego was hurt. He moved his hand and hit me hard on my face. I was down. He then abused me and kicked me hard in my stomach. I cried and shouted. He put the bed sheet in my face and tied me down. I was crying but no one was there to help me. He then raped me and left my house.”
The Word R A P E keeps echoing in my head and all the blood rushed on my head and face.
“I remained in the same position for few hours. Then I gathered some strength and free myself from bed sheet. I cleaned myself and took a pledge that I will make him cry even more in life. I have not told anyone about this incident because I wanted this hatred to live inside me. When you make love to me, it reminds me of the same incident but when I told you to stop and you oblige I felt proud and delighted that you are not the same man. But today, I saw the same animal in your eyes. You are not different from Savraj.” She said and cried loudly.
I felt pathetic and I hated myself to the core.
“I am not same Soumya. I love you.” I cried and hugged Soumya.
Soumya hugged me back and we both cried together. I felt her pain and strength simultaneously. We laid there for hours hugging each other without uttering a single word.
She then slept in my arms along with her tears. I adjusted her in comfortable position in my bed and moved away from her.
I went in front of the mirror and looked in my eyes.
Those were the eyes of a man who lost his respect, dignity and honor in his own eyes.
I want my honor back and I knew how I can get it back.
I went to my balcony and stand on its railing.
I looked down and then looked at the Mumbai city outside.
I shouted loudly with all my strength and looked back to the city.
City was calm and quiet in the night. I thought loudly “Savraj I will make you pay for this”
………… To be Continued………………
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Deceptive Eyes
Chapter 1:
With a lot of anxiety and occupied mind, I entered the decided Chinese restaurant. I have not experienced such tension and nervousness even in my job or MBA interviews. But today is a big day. I didn’t consider it important or big enough earlier but the pain inside me told me loudly and clearly that I will be suffocated to death if I did not resolved this soon.
“Your name please sir”, staff person from restaurant asked me.
“Sunny. Table for two please” I said.
A beautiful waitress came with beautiful legs to show me the table. I don’t know how the boys are programmed; they don’t miss beautiful legs even when they are feeling sick. I sat on the table and started thinking about possible explanations. Our mind is very innocent; it always tries to find the possibilities and explanations even when the truth is right there in front of our eyes. We want to follow the easy path, that is, believe our mind and not eyes.
I then started thinking that how she can do this? Didn’t she think about me at least once? Am I not good enough for her? Where does I lack? Suddenly my mind pressed that she has not done it physically. My brain comes back with an argument how you knew that she is not doing it physically? Why she is hiding it and why she is lying to me? There are many questions my mind needed answers immediately. I was fully involved in the web of all these questions when a sharp voice interrupted me:
“Waiting for some one Sir”, the beautiful waitress said.
“Yes” I showed no interested in her beautiful legs.
She tried to get personal this time “Girl Friend Sir. Do you want me to do something special for her?”
On hearing the first word- Girl Friend, I felt a pain in my stomach and some thing started moving up and down rapidly inside me. My heart started beating loudly and then I felt a strong punch right on my intestines. Like a losing boxer on the boxing ring who had got a knock out punch, I saw the whole flash back of last four years in blue and purple shade with her close up images and voice mixed with a background noise.
2 months earlier
“I love you Soumya. I missed you so much in last one month. Do you know we are meeting after full one month?”
“Yes.” She added and then kept quiet.
I was expecting some drama after getting separated from her first time in last four years but there she was with a short and crisp yes. No other words and that’s it. That’s what I get after one month separation. Then suddenly I realized she was always like this and she don’t share her feelings. I cooled down realizing that she truly loves me from the core of her heart and she thinks that why we need to say it every time. Isn’t it visible?
Soumya is a 5 feet 3 inches beautiful girl with a very fair complexion. She has a cute face with a prominent dimple on her right cheek whenever she smiles. She has very beautiful eyes and I can watch them all my life without a single blink. There is one childish smile on her face whenever you see her and this smile makes her even more beautiful. She talks with small hand movements and starts laughing even before she has told the incident. All such small gestures make her more beautiful and I love her for all these: the way she moves her hand, the way she talks, the way she laughs, the way her eyes glow when she is excited. I love almost everything about her.
“I am hungry.” I said.
“I have some sandwich made by my maid. You want some?”
“Sure. Anything will do right now.” I said with a smile.
She checked in the kitchen and brings two sandwiches in a plate. I jumped on those sandwiches like a hungry dog and ate both of them in few seconds.
“Nothing comes on TV now days. I’m bored.” She declared
I thought that this is the right time to take my chances.
I caressed her hair and started moving my fingers on her face. I moved my hand on her neck. She closed her eyes and I kissed her lips. She put arms around me and surrendered herself.
I was very turned on by this idea of surrender initially. She just closes her eyes and lay blankly without any movement or resistance. Initially it felt good with a feeling that she is all mine but later I started feeling like a rapist. It was as if she has lost her consciousness by looking at me or smelling my bad breath and now I can rape her in her unconsciousness. She doesn’t make any movement and in addition make bad expressions on her face as if I am really raping her. It started making me sick and I just can not handle her surrender. Sometimes I think she knew this and do this deliberately but then my mind dismisses this idea the next moment as I know how much she loved me.
She is doing the same old trick by surrendering herself to me. I sensed it and moved her on top of me. She found it awkward initially but surrendered again and lay on me blankly with all her weight. I handled her weight for few minutes and then moved her up with an expression that she also needs to do something while laying on me.
She was blank. She sat on me for few more minutes doing nothing.
“Make love to me”, I said softly.
“I’m making love to you” she kissed on my cheek and sat again straight on my stomach. It agitated me.
“This is not love.” I shouted.
Suddenly two droplets of water fall on me like atomic bombs and I realized that she has started crying. I felt like a complete rapist now and wanted to burry my head somewhere so that I don’t have to face any one.
“What happened Soumya?” I pleaded with my voice as soft as butter.
“You know, I don’t like this. I don’t want to do all this stuff. Why you do this to me every time?”
Every time, Huh!!!! I thought. I wanted to say that it is the other way round. Every time you make me feel like a rapist but this is not the time for this argument.
“I’m sorry.” I pleaded again. You can’t do or say anything when a girl is crying in front of you. Even though you haven’t done anything, you will be perceived as a lusty villain of 80’s movies who jumps on every girl he sees.
“I love you.” I don’t know what the hell I am saying but it is helping. She looked at me with wet eyes. At that moment, I would have murdered someone or written my entire life to her, if she asked me to do so with those wet eyes.
“If you love me, then don’t make love to me again. I don’t like this and we will not do this again.” I would have said yes even if she has asked for my life at that moment.
“Ok.” I said.
“Promise?” She asked.
“Promise.” I said. I didn’t realize at that moment what I have promised. It takes few seconds to realize that I have said no to my sex life or whatever it is. Well, truly speaking, no sane person can call kissing someone a sex life but that’s the only thing I had and now I have said no to that one as well.
I sat properly again and took her laptop to pass my time.
I checked my mail account and saw few idiotic mails from the office. Some VP has joined and in his introduction HR team has described his love for his dog. It contained information about his daughter and her hobbies as well. I was not sure whether HR wants us to know about new VP or the opportunity to woo her daughter or dog and get a shortcut to success. I don’t know how some one can send such useless mails to entire organization and increase the load on mail servers.
With this disgust, I closed the mail account and checked Orkut. Nothing new was there. I then checked Soumya’s profile. My eyes stopped on one of the scrap from one guy.
How are you sweets? Missing u. When u’ll be online…
I was speechless by looking at such a scrap on my girlfriend’s profile. Blood rushed suddenly on my face.
“What is this?” I demanded.
“What happened?” She said.
“Who is he?” I demanded again pointing at the screen.
Her face got red.
“He is my office colleague. We are in the same project.”
I got angry with the response as if she has not understood what I was asking.
“Then why he is calling you sweets and missing you so much?”
“I don’t know” She said.
I was losing my temper now.
“What do you mean you don’t know?”
“I don’t know” She said again. “I will talk to him.”
“How some one can get the courage to say you sweets without your knowledge? There must be some background. When was your last meeting and how he started missing you again?”
“I just chatted him yesterday” she said.
I wanted to know more and clear this but I get a sudden rush of emotions and my tears started falling from my eyes. Damn these tears. It always comes at wrong time.
She hugged me and said “It will not happen again Sunny.”
That hug has a magical effect and it treated me from all the pain I have got in last five minutes. Every thing is green and sunny again. I was feeling a great comfort in her arms and I forgot everything.
Next day I logged back again on Orkut and that scrap was deleted.
I called Soumya.
“Hello.”
“Hi. What’s going on?” she enquired.
“Nothing, just going through orkut.” I tried to be funny by showing some sarcasm.
“So.” She asked me showing no emotions.
“That scrap was deleted?” I enquired.
“I deleted it.” She said. “I spoke to him and warned him not to write any such thing to me in future. He said that he talks like that only and he did not know that I will take it seriously.”
Talk like that my foot, I thought. Boys are bastards. They use same tricks on all girls. Firstly, you try via sweets and honey like proverbs and if there is no resistance, make your next move and so on. Then brag to other boys that you have a special thing with that girl and she likes you etc. If girl gets annoyed, then say that I talk like this only.
He was applying same old trick on my girl.
“He is not a good person. Stay away from him.” I declared.
“Ok.” She said
1 month earlier
I was getting very high work load from office. My schedule was very tight and I was not giving proper time to even Soumya. I remembered her cute face and then those wet eyes which took my life forever. I remembered that close hug and the healing effect it had.
I left all work and thought about chatting with her. I realized that I was so busy that I have not even logged in G Talk. I opened G Talk and it opened Soumya’s account. She was using my laptop last time and she might have forgotten to sign out. Suddenly I get a pop up from one person:
Raj_Dreamer: He He He
Raj_Dreamer: Akash misses you very badly. You should go out with him.
Soumya: he he he
Soumya: He can’t handle me.
Raj_Dreamer: Ohh… I forgot… You are tough to handle… he he
Soumya: he he he
Raj_Dreamer: I never thought that we will come so close in such a short time.
Soumya: I am like that only.
Raj_Dreamer: Yes. You are.
Soumya: I like to make friends and people get open up with me easily.
Raj_Dreamer: I bet :)
Soumya: :)
Raj_Dreamer: But you should give one chance to Akash. He loves you and he deserves one chance darling.
Soumya: I will think.. he he he
The last word from him hit me like a slap on my face. I read it several times “Darling.”
I tried to think when you will say a girl darling. I have never said any one darling in my entire life except Soumya. And, who is this Akash and what is going on?
My trust on Soumya was strong and I thought that there must be some explanation to this. I wanted to call her but I stopped.
I looged into her g mail account and wrote darling in the search tab and hit enter.
It gave me 157 results and to my astonishment I have contributed only once.
I started reading all these conversations. It was unexplainable. It seems like his whole office calls her darling. I read all conversation and with every word I started feeling like an asthama attack.
I calm myself down and waited for Soumya to come back from office.
I called her to my place.
Door bell rang.
I opened the door and there she was standing with her dimply smile.
“How are you?” She said.
I remained silent.
“Why you called me?” she asked again.
I did not answer again. I opened my laptop and logged into her gmail account instead.
She was wondering what I am doing, so she came close to me and looked at the screen.
I wrote “darling” in the search tab and hit enter.
There were 157 entries again and I pointed all this to her and opened one of the conversation without saying a word.
She was speech less and a tear fell down from her cheek.
She was trying hard to control her tears. In long relationships, you can easily say what other person is trying to do just by looking at him or her. She always uses the same gesture to control her tears and put on the same smile on her face.
After fighting for few seconds, she lost the battle and tears flow like a flood from her eyes and she held her face in her palms and broke down.
I felt like a loser again. You can’t win these tears whatever you do.
I held her face in my hands and lifted her chin up.
“I can’t talk to my friends now. I should not speak to any one. That’s what you want. You can’t see me happy. How can I control others what they are writing in their chats. I have never written any one like this.”
She was crying and shouting at the same time.
“If they write you darling, why you talk to them? You have an option of not replying to them.”
“I don’t think like this. I just ignore them.”
“Who is this Akash and what’s going on with this Raj_Dreamer?”
“It is office gossip. You are not supposed to see this. Raj is the same guy who wrote a scrap to me and Akash is an idiot. He always creates problems in our project and asks me for meeting every time. That’s why people talk like that sometimes. We should ignore them Sunny.”
“How can I ignore them when he wrote to you that we came close to each other in no time and you say I am like that only? What does this mean?”
“He is my friend and that’s why I wrote?”
“But I told you not to talk to him?”
“Don’t put restriction on me. I don’t like restrictions. He is in my office and works in my project. I can’t stop talking to him.”
“These are the official matters you were discussing?” I enquired helplessly.
“He is my friend now. So, we can chat and gossip. I don’t have many friends in my office. And whenever I get some friends, you find some problem in them. You have a problem with every one. Why you are so insecure? I can’t even talk to any one other than you?”
The discussion was going no where and I was just diluting my point with more discussions.
I said authoritatively “If you want to be with me, you have to stop replying to anyone who calls you darling and stop talking to him and you need to bring some responsibility in our relationship.”
She paused, looked at me and said “Ok. I’ll not reply.”
5 days earlier:
I was in the office when my mind was occupied with the thoughts of Soumya. I am not able to get those chats and the word darling out of my head. I opened Soumya’s gmail account again.
I wrote darling in search tab and hit enter.
There were zero entries.
She has deleted all conversations. It seems like her backlash after the incident and she has raised her fury on her mail account.
I went to trash folder and saw one conversation of Raj_Dreamer. I was looking at it and suddenly it was deleted from trash. I refresh the page and there was one more entry of Raj_Dreamer and I checked this is a different one and it was deleted again.
It took me some time to understand that Soumya was chatting to him even now and she is deleting the entry after every single line.
I felt cheated and betrayed.
I checked the email id of Raj_Dreamer and copied it. I searched this mail id in orkut and it returned one profile. I checked the profile and I felt like whole volcano has erupted on my head. It’s the profile of Savraj Malhotra, Soumya’s ex boyfriend.
I felt like my heart has skipped few beats and then started beating like a drum. Something in my stomach wanted to come outside via wind pipe and started choking me. I felt suffocation and rose from my chair. I started moving outside and hit a pillar next to my table. I didn’t felt anything on my head but a strong pain started hitting my chest and then stomach. My boss saw me hitting the pillar and came close to me.
“You are looking pale. What happened?”
“Nothing. I am not feeling well. I am going home.” I said
“Ok. Take care of yourself.” he said.
I walked out of office and write a sms to Soumya:
I know who Raj_Dreamer is? You were with your ex boy friend. Its over. Don’t try to call me. You are free to go with your ex.
I reached home and tried to watch TV but I could not concentrate. The pain was growing higher and higher. It was almost unbearable as something has hit my intestines and ruptured them. I then started feeling that lights were fluctuating around the home and going dim slowly and slowly. Something hit my head and I started getting relief from my pain. I fell unconscious.
I woke up two hours later and saw 20 missed calls of Soumya. I don’t want to talk to her. Then I saw her message:
Please listen to me. If you don’t listen, how this will resolve. There is some misunderstanding.
I don’t trust her now. I wrote back:
Let’s not talk for one week. We will meet this Saturday to know what happened and why.
Today
Waitress called me again “Do you need some thing Sir?”
I said “One Fresh Lime please.”
She left me alone and I got some relief.
A beautiful girl with deep eyes wearing yellow and white entered the restaurant and said to the restaurant staff with a dimply smile
“I’m looking for Mr. Sunny.”
Soumya entered the restaurant.
……… To Be Continued……
With a lot of anxiety and occupied mind, I entered the decided Chinese restaurant. I have not experienced such tension and nervousness even in my job or MBA interviews. But today is a big day. I didn’t consider it important or big enough earlier but the pain inside me told me loudly and clearly that I will be suffocated to death if I did not resolved this soon.
“Your name please sir”, staff person from restaurant asked me.
“Sunny. Table for two please” I said.
A beautiful waitress came with beautiful legs to show me the table. I don’t know how the boys are programmed; they don’t miss beautiful legs even when they are feeling sick. I sat on the table and started thinking about possible explanations. Our mind is very innocent; it always tries to find the possibilities and explanations even when the truth is right there in front of our eyes. We want to follow the easy path, that is, believe our mind and not eyes.
I then started thinking that how she can do this? Didn’t she think about me at least once? Am I not good enough for her? Where does I lack? Suddenly my mind pressed that she has not done it physically. My brain comes back with an argument how you knew that she is not doing it physically? Why she is hiding it and why she is lying to me? There are many questions my mind needed answers immediately. I was fully involved in the web of all these questions when a sharp voice interrupted me:
“Waiting for some one Sir”, the beautiful waitress said.
“Yes” I showed no interested in her beautiful legs.
She tried to get personal this time “Girl Friend Sir. Do you want me to do something special for her?”
On hearing the first word- Girl Friend, I felt a pain in my stomach and some thing started moving up and down rapidly inside me. My heart started beating loudly and then I felt a strong punch right on my intestines. Like a losing boxer on the boxing ring who had got a knock out punch, I saw the whole flash back of last four years in blue and purple shade with her close up images and voice mixed with a background noise.
2 months earlier
“I love you Soumya. I missed you so much in last one month. Do you know we are meeting after full one month?”
“Yes.” She added and then kept quiet.
I was expecting some drama after getting separated from her first time in last four years but there she was with a short and crisp yes. No other words and that’s it. That’s what I get after one month separation. Then suddenly I realized she was always like this and she don’t share her feelings. I cooled down realizing that she truly loves me from the core of her heart and she thinks that why we need to say it every time. Isn’t it visible?
Soumya is a 5 feet 3 inches beautiful girl with a very fair complexion. She has a cute face with a prominent dimple on her right cheek whenever she smiles. She has very beautiful eyes and I can watch them all my life without a single blink. There is one childish smile on her face whenever you see her and this smile makes her even more beautiful. She talks with small hand movements and starts laughing even before she has told the incident. All such small gestures make her more beautiful and I love her for all these: the way she moves her hand, the way she talks, the way she laughs, the way her eyes glow when she is excited. I love almost everything about her.
“I am hungry.” I said.
“I have some sandwich made by my maid. You want some?”
“Sure. Anything will do right now.” I said with a smile.
She checked in the kitchen and brings two sandwiches in a plate. I jumped on those sandwiches like a hungry dog and ate both of them in few seconds.
“Nothing comes on TV now days. I’m bored.” She declared
I thought that this is the right time to take my chances.
I caressed her hair and started moving my fingers on her face. I moved my hand on her neck. She closed her eyes and I kissed her lips. She put arms around me and surrendered herself.
I was very turned on by this idea of surrender initially. She just closes her eyes and lay blankly without any movement or resistance. Initially it felt good with a feeling that she is all mine but later I started feeling like a rapist. It was as if she has lost her consciousness by looking at me or smelling my bad breath and now I can rape her in her unconsciousness. She doesn’t make any movement and in addition make bad expressions on her face as if I am really raping her. It started making me sick and I just can not handle her surrender. Sometimes I think she knew this and do this deliberately but then my mind dismisses this idea the next moment as I know how much she loved me.
She is doing the same old trick by surrendering herself to me. I sensed it and moved her on top of me. She found it awkward initially but surrendered again and lay on me blankly with all her weight. I handled her weight for few minutes and then moved her up with an expression that she also needs to do something while laying on me.
She was blank. She sat on me for few more minutes doing nothing.
“Make love to me”, I said softly.
“I’m making love to you” she kissed on my cheek and sat again straight on my stomach. It agitated me.
“This is not love.” I shouted.
Suddenly two droplets of water fall on me like atomic bombs and I realized that she has started crying. I felt like a complete rapist now and wanted to burry my head somewhere so that I don’t have to face any one.
“What happened Soumya?” I pleaded with my voice as soft as butter.
“You know, I don’t like this. I don’t want to do all this stuff. Why you do this to me every time?”
Every time, Huh!!!! I thought. I wanted to say that it is the other way round. Every time you make me feel like a rapist but this is not the time for this argument.
“I’m sorry.” I pleaded again. You can’t do or say anything when a girl is crying in front of you. Even though you haven’t done anything, you will be perceived as a lusty villain of 80’s movies who jumps on every girl he sees.
“I love you.” I don’t know what the hell I am saying but it is helping. She looked at me with wet eyes. At that moment, I would have murdered someone or written my entire life to her, if she asked me to do so with those wet eyes.
“If you love me, then don’t make love to me again. I don’t like this and we will not do this again.” I would have said yes even if she has asked for my life at that moment.
“Ok.” I said.
“Promise?” She asked.
“Promise.” I said. I didn’t realize at that moment what I have promised. It takes few seconds to realize that I have said no to my sex life or whatever it is. Well, truly speaking, no sane person can call kissing someone a sex life but that’s the only thing I had and now I have said no to that one as well.
I sat properly again and took her laptop to pass my time.
I checked my mail account and saw few idiotic mails from the office. Some VP has joined and in his introduction HR team has described his love for his dog. It contained information about his daughter and her hobbies as well. I was not sure whether HR wants us to know about new VP or the opportunity to woo her daughter or dog and get a shortcut to success. I don’t know how some one can send such useless mails to entire organization and increase the load on mail servers.
With this disgust, I closed the mail account and checked Orkut. Nothing new was there. I then checked Soumya’s profile. My eyes stopped on one of the scrap from one guy.
How are you sweets? Missing u. When u’ll be online…
I was speechless by looking at such a scrap on my girlfriend’s profile. Blood rushed suddenly on my face.
“What is this?” I demanded.
“What happened?” She said.
“Who is he?” I demanded again pointing at the screen.
Her face got red.
“He is my office colleague. We are in the same project.”
I got angry with the response as if she has not understood what I was asking.
“Then why he is calling you sweets and missing you so much?”
“I don’t know” She said.
I was losing my temper now.
“What do you mean you don’t know?”
“I don’t know” She said again. “I will talk to him.”
“How some one can get the courage to say you sweets without your knowledge? There must be some background. When was your last meeting and how he started missing you again?”
“I just chatted him yesterday” she said.
I wanted to know more and clear this but I get a sudden rush of emotions and my tears started falling from my eyes. Damn these tears. It always comes at wrong time.
She hugged me and said “It will not happen again Sunny.”
That hug has a magical effect and it treated me from all the pain I have got in last five minutes. Every thing is green and sunny again. I was feeling a great comfort in her arms and I forgot everything.
Next day I logged back again on Orkut and that scrap was deleted.
I called Soumya.
“Hello.”
“Hi. What’s going on?” she enquired.
“Nothing, just going through orkut.” I tried to be funny by showing some sarcasm.
“So.” She asked me showing no emotions.
“That scrap was deleted?” I enquired.
“I deleted it.” She said. “I spoke to him and warned him not to write any such thing to me in future. He said that he talks like that only and he did not know that I will take it seriously.”
Talk like that my foot, I thought. Boys are bastards. They use same tricks on all girls. Firstly, you try via sweets and honey like proverbs and if there is no resistance, make your next move and so on. Then brag to other boys that you have a special thing with that girl and she likes you etc. If girl gets annoyed, then say that I talk like this only.
He was applying same old trick on my girl.
“He is not a good person. Stay away from him.” I declared.
“Ok.” She said
1 month earlier
I was getting very high work load from office. My schedule was very tight and I was not giving proper time to even Soumya. I remembered her cute face and then those wet eyes which took my life forever. I remembered that close hug and the healing effect it had.
I left all work and thought about chatting with her. I realized that I was so busy that I have not even logged in G Talk. I opened G Talk and it opened Soumya’s account. She was using my laptop last time and she might have forgotten to sign out. Suddenly I get a pop up from one person:
Raj_Dreamer: He He He
Raj_Dreamer: Akash misses you very badly. You should go out with him.
Soumya: he he he
Soumya: He can’t handle me.
Raj_Dreamer: Ohh… I forgot… You are tough to handle… he he
Soumya: he he he
Raj_Dreamer: I never thought that we will come so close in such a short time.
Soumya: I am like that only.
Raj_Dreamer: Yes. You are.
Soumya: I like to make friends and people get open up with me easily.
Raj_Dreamer: I bet :)
Soumya: :)
Raj_Dreamer: But you should give one chance to Akash. He loves you and he deserves one chance darling.
Soumya: I will think.. he he he
The last word from him hit me like a slap on my face. I read it several times “Darling.”
I tried to think when you will say a girl darling. I have never said any one darling in my entire life except Soumya. And, who is this Akash and what is going on?
My trust on Soumya was strong and I thought that there must be some explanation to this. I wanted to call her but I stopped.
I looged into her g mail account and wrote darling in the search tab and hit enter.
It gave me 157 results and to my astonishment I have contributed only once.
I started reading all these conversations. It was unexplainable. It seems like his whole office calls her darling. I read all conversation and with every word I started feeling like an asthama attack.
I calm myself down and waited for Soumya to come back from office.
I called her to my place.
Door bell rang.
I opened the door and there she was standing with her dimply smile.
“How are you?” She said.
I remained silent.
“Why you called me?” she asked again.
I did not answer again. I opened my laptop and logged into her gmail account instead.
She was wondering what I am doing, so she came close to me and looked at the screen.
I wrote “darling” in the search tab and hit enter.
There were 157 entries again and I pointed all this to her and opened one of the conversation without saying a word.
She was speech less and a tear fell down from her cheek.
She was trying hard to control her tears. In long relationships, you can easily say what other person is trying to do just by looking at him or her. She always uses the same gesture to control her tears and put on the same smile on her face.
After fighting for few seconds, she lost the battle and tears flow like a flood from her eyes and she held her face in her palms and broke down.
I felt like a loser again. You can’t win these tears whatever you do.
I held her face in my hands and lifted her chin up.
“I can’t talk to my friends now. I should not speak to any one. That’s what you want. You can’t see me happy. How can I control others what they are writing in their chats. I have never written any one like this.”
She was crying and shouting at the same time.
“If they write you darling, why you talk to them? You have an option of not replying to them.”
“I don’t think like this. I just ignore them.”
“Who is this Akash and what’s going on with this Raj_Dreamer?”
“It is office gossip. You are not supposed to see this. Raj is the same guy who wrote a scrap to me and Akash is an idiot. He always creates problems in our project and asks me for meeting every time. That’s why people talk like that sometimes. We should ignore them Sunny.”
“How can I ignore them when he wrote to you that we came close to each other in no time and you say I am like that only? What does this mean?”
“He is my friend and that’s why I wrote?”
“But I told you not to talk to him?”
“Don’t put restriction on me. I don’t like restrictions. He is in my office and works in my project. I can’t stop talking to him.”
“These are the official matters you were discussing?” I enquired helplessly.
“He is my friend now. So, we can chat and gossip. I don’t have many friends in my office. And whenever I get some friends, you find some problem in them. You have a problem with every one. Why you are so insecure? I can’t even talk to any one other than you?”
The discussion was going no where and I was just diluting my point with more discussions.
I said authoritatively “If you want to be with me, you have to stop replying to anyone who calls you darling and stop talking to him and you need to bring some responsibility in our relationship.”
She paused, looked at me and said “Ok. I’ll not reply.”
5 days earlier:
I was in the office when my mind was occupied with the thoughts of Soumya. I am not able to get those chats and the word darling out of my head. I opened Soumya’s gmail account again.
I wrote darling in search tab and hit enter.
There were zero entries.
She has deleted all conversations. It seems like her backlash after the incident and she has raised her fury on her mail account.
I went to trash folder and saw one conversation of Raj_Dreamer. I was looking at it and suddenly it was deleted from trash. I refresh the page and there was one more entry of Raj_Dreamer and I checked this is a different one and it was deleted again.
It took me some time to understand that Soumya was chatting to him even now and she is deleting the entry after every single line.
I felt cheated and betrayed.
I checked the email id of Raj_Dreamer and copied it. I searched this mail id in orkut and it returned one profile. I checked the profile and I felt like whole volcano has erupted on my head. It’s the profile of Savraj Malhotra, Soumya’s ex boyfriend.
I felt like my heart has skipped few beats and then started beating like a drum. Something in my stomach wanted to come outside via wind pipe and started choking me. I felt suffocation and rose from my chair. I started moving outside and hit a pillar next to my table. I didn’t felt anything on my head but a strong pain started hitting my chest and then stomach. My boss saw me hitting the pillar and came close to me.
“You are looking pale. What happened?”
“Nothing. I am not feeling well. I am going home.” I said
“Ok. Take care of yourself.” he said.
I walked out of office and write a sms to Soumya:
I know who Raj_Dreamer is? You were with your ex boy friend. Its over. Don’t try to call me. You are free to go with your ex.
I reached home and tried to watch TV but I could not concentrate. The pain was growing higher and higher. It was almost unbearable as something has hit my intestines and ruptured them. I then started feeling that lights were fluctuating around the home and going dim slowly and slowly. Something hit my head and I started getting relief from my pain. I fell unconscious.
I woke up two hours later and saw 20 missed calls of Soumya. I don’t want to talk to her. Then I saw her message:
Please listen to me. If you don’t listen, how this will resolve. There is some misunderstanding.
I don’t trust her now. I wrote back:
Let’s not talk for one week. We will meet this Saturday to know what happened and why.
Today
Waitress called me again “Do you need some thing Sir?”
I said “One Fresh Lime please.”
She left me alone and I got some relief.
A beautiful girl with deep eyes wearing yellow and white entered the restaurant and said to the restaurant staff with a dimply smile
“I’m looking for Mr. Sunny.”
Soumya entered the restaurant.
……… To Be Continued……
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