Deceptive Eyes

Chapter 1:

With a lot of anxiety and occupied mind, I entered the decided Chinese restaurant. I have not experienced such tension and nervousness even in my job or MBA interviews. But today is a big day. I didn’t consider it important or big enough earlier but the pain inside me told me loudly and clearly that I will be suffocated to death if I did not resolved this soon.
“Your name please sir”, staff person from restaurant asked me.
“Sunny. Table for two please” I said.

A beautiful waitress came with beautiful legs to show me the table. I don’t know how the boys are programmed; they don’t miss beautiful legs even when they are feeling sick. I sat on the table and started thinking about possible explanations. Our mind is very innocent; it always tries to find the possibilities and explanations even when the truth is right there in front of our eyes. We want to follow the easy path, that is, believe our mind and not eyes.
I then started thinking that how she can do this? Didn’t she think about me at least once? Am I not good enough for her? Where does I lack? Suddenly my mind pressed that she has not done it physically. My brain comes back with an argument how you knew that she is not doing it physically? Why she is hiding it and why she is lying to me? There are many questions my mind needed answers immediately. I was fully involved in the web of all these questions when a sharp voice interrupted me:
“Waiting for some one Sir”, the beautiful waitress said.
“Yes” I showed no interested in her beautiful legs.
She tried to get personal this time “Girl Friend Sir. Do you want me to do something special for her?”

On hearing the first word- Girl Friend, I felt a pain in my stomach and some thing started moving up and down rapidly inside me. My heart started beating loudly and then I felt a strong punch right on my intestines. Like a losing boxer on the boxing ring who had got a knock out punch, I saw the whole flash back of last four years in blue and purple shade with her close up images and voice mixed with a background noise.

2 months earlier

“I love you Soumya. I missed you so much in last one month. Do you know we are meeting after full one month?”
“Yes.” She added and then kept quiet.
I was expecting some drama after getting separated from her first time in last four years but there she was with a short and crisp yes. No other words and that’s it. That’s what I get after one month separation. Then suddenly I realized she was always like this and she don’t share her feelings. I cooled down realizing that she truly loves me from the core of her heart and she thinks that why we need to say it every time. Isn’t it visible?

Soumya is a 5 feet 3 inches beautiful girl with a very fair complexion. She has a cute face with a prominent dimple on her right cheek whenever she smiles. She has very beautiful eyes and I can watch them all my life without a single blink. There is one childish smile on her face whenever you see her and this smile makes her even more beautiful. She talks with small hand movements and starts laughing even before she has told the incident. All such small gestures make her more beautiful and I love her for all these: the way she moves her hand, the way she talks, the way she laughs, the way her eyes glow when she is excited. I love almost everything about her.

“I am hungry.” I said.
“I have some sandwich made by my maid. You want some?”
“Sure. Anything will do right now.” I said with a smile.

She checked in the kitchen and brings two sandwiches in a plate. I jumped on those sandwiches like a hungry dog and ate both of them in few seconds.
“Nothing comes on TV now days. I’m bored.” She declared
I thought that this is the right time to take my chances.
I caressed her hair and started moving my fingers on her face. I moved my hand on her neck. She closed her eyes and I kissed her lips. She put arms around me and surrendered herself.
I was very turned on by this idea of surrender initially. She just closes her eyes and lay blankly without any movement or resistance. Initially it felt good with a feeling that she is all mine but later I started feeling like a rapist. It was as if she has lost her consciousness by looking at me or smelling my bad breath and now I can rape her in her unconsciousness. She doesn’t make any movement and in addition make bad expressions on her face as if I am really raping her. It started making me sick and I just can not handle her surrender. Sometimes I think she knew this and do this deliberately but then my mind dismisses this idea the next moment as I know how much she loved me.

She is doing the same old trick by surrendering herself to me. I sensed it and moved her on top of me. She found it awkward initially but surrendered again and lay on me blankly with all her weight. I handled her weight for few minutes and then moved her up with an expression that she also needs to do something while laying on me.
She was blank. She sat on me for few more minutes doing nothing.
“Make love to me”, I said softly.
“I’m making love to you” she kissed on my cheek and sat again straight on my stomach. It agitated me.
“This is not love.” I shouted.
Suddenly two droplets of water fall on me like atomic bombs and I realized that she has started crying. I felt like a complete rapist now and wanted to burry my head somewhere so that I don’t have to face any one.

“What happened Soumya?” I pleaded with my voice as soft as butter.
“You know, I don’t like this. I don’t want to do all this stuff. Why you do this to me every time?”

Every time, Huh!!!! I thought. I wanted to say that it is the other way round. Every time you make me feel like a rapist but this is not the time for this argument.

“I’m sorry.” I pleaded again. You can’t do or say anything when a girl is crying in front of you. Even though you haven’t done anything, you will be perceived as a lusty villain of 80’s movies who jumps on every girl he sees.

“I love you.” I don’t know what the hell I am saying but it is helping. She looked at me with wet eyes. At that moment, I would have murdered someone or written my entire life to her, if she asked me to do so with those wet eyes.

“If you love me, then don’t make love to me again. I don’t like this and we will not do this again.” I would have said yes even if she has asked for my life at that moment.

“Ok.” I said.
“Promise?” She asked.
“Promise.” I said. I didn’t realize at that moment what I have promised. It takes few seconds to realize that I have said no to my sex life or whatever it is. Well, truly speaking, no sane person can call kissing someone a sex life but that’s the only thing I had and now I have said no to that one as well.

I sat properly again and took her laptop to pass my time.

I checked my mail account and saw few idiotic mails from the office. Some VP has joined and in his introduction HR team has described his love for his dog. It contained information about his daughter and her hobbies as well. I was not sure whether HR wants us to know about new VP or the opportunity to woo her daughter or dog and get a shortcut to success. I don’t know how some one can send such useless mails to entire organization and increase the load on mail servers.

With this disgust, I closed the mail account and checked Orkut. Nothing new was there. I then checked Soumya’s profile. My eyes stopped on one of the scrap from one guy.

How are you sweets? Missing u. When u’ll be online…

I was speechless by looking at such a scrap on my girlfriend’s profile. Blood rushed suddenly on my face.
“What is this?” I demanded.
“What happened?” She said.
“Who is he?” I demanded again pointing at the screen.
Her face got red.
“He is my office colleague. We are in the same project.”
I got angry with the response as if she has not understood what I was asking.
“Then why he is calling you sweets and missing you so much?”
“I don’t know” She said.
I was losing my temper now.
“What do you mean you don’t know?”
“I don’t know” She said again. “I will talk to him.”
“How some one can get the courage to say you sweets without your knowledge? There must be some background. When was your last meeting and how he started missing you again?”
“I just chatted him yesterday” she said.
I wanted to know more and clear this but I get a sudden rush of emotions and my tears started falling from my eyes. Damn these tears. It always comes at wrong time.
She hugged me and said “It will not happen again Sunny.”

That hug has a magical effect and it treated me from all the pain I have got in last five minutes. Every thing is green and sunny again. I was feeling a great comfort in her arms and I forgot everything.

Next day I logged back again on Orkut and that scrap was deleted.
I called Soumya.
“Hello.”
“Hi. What’s going on?” she enquired.
“Nothing, just going through orkut.” I tried to be funny by showing some sarcasm.
“So.” She asked me showing no emotions.
“That scrap was deleted?” I enquired.
“I deleted it.” She said. “I spoke to him and warned him not to write any such thing to me in future. He said that he talks like that only and he did not know that I will take it seriously.”
Talk like that my foot, I thought. Boys are bastards. They use same tricks on all girls. Firstly, you try via sweets and honey like proverbs and if there is no resistance, make your next move and so on. Then brag to other boys that you have a special thing with that girl and she likes you etc. If girl gets annoyed, then say that I talk like this only.
He was applying same old trick on my girl.
“He is not a good person. Stay away from him.” I declared.
“Ok.” She said

1 month earlier

I was getting very high work load from office. My schedule was very tight and I was not giving proper time to even Soumya. I remembered her cute face and then those wet eyes which took my life forever. I remembered that close hug and the healing effect it had.
I left all work and thought about chatting with her. I realized that I was so busy that I have not even logged in G Talk. I opened G Talk and it opened Soumya’s account. She was using my laptop last time and she might have forgotten to sign out. Suddenly I get a pop up from one person:
Raj_Dreamer: He He He
Raj_Dreamer: Akash misses you very badly. You should go out with him.
Soumya: he he he
Soumya: He can’t handle me.
Raj_Dreamer: Ohh… I forgot… You are tough to handle… he he
Soumya: he he he
Raj_Dreamer: I never thought that we will come so close in such a short time.
Soumya: I am like that only.
Raj_Dreamer: Yes. You are.
Soumya: I like to make friends and people get open up with me easily.
Raj_Dreamer: I bet :)
Soumya: :)
Raj_Dreamer: But you should give one chance to Akash. He loves you and he deserves one chance darling.
Soumya: I will think.. he he he

The last word from him hit me like a slap on my face. I read it several times “Darling.”
I tried to think when you will say a girl darling. I have never said any one darling in my entire life except Soumya. And, who is this Akash and what is going on?

My trust on Soumya was strong and I thought that there must be some explanation to this. I wanted to call her but I stopped.

I looged into her g mail account and wrote darling in the search tab and hit enter.

It gave me 157 results and to my astonishment I have contributed only once.

I started reading all these conversations. It was unexplainable. It seems like his whole office calls her darling. I read all conversation and with every word I started feeling like an asthama attack.

I calm myself down and waited for Soumya to come back from office.

I called her to my place.

Door bell rang.

I opened the door and there she was standing with her dimply smile.
“How are you?” She said.
I remained silent.
“Why you called me?” she asked again.
I did not answer again. I opened my laptop and logged into her gmail account instead.

She was wondering what I am doing, so she came close to me and looked at the screen.

I wrote “darling” in the search tab and hit enter.

There were 157 entries again and I pointed all this to her and opened one of the conversation without saying a word.

She was speech less and a tear fell down from her cheek.

She was trying hard to control her tears. In long relationships, you can easily say what other person is trying to do just by looking at him or her. She always uses the same gesture to control her tears and put on the same smile on her face.

After fighting for few seconds, she lost the battle and tears flow like a flood from her eyes and she held her face in her palms and broke down.

I felt like a loser again. You can’t win these tears whatever you do.

I held her face in my hands and lifted her chin up.

“I can’t talk to my friends now. I should not speak to any one. That’s what you want. You can’t see me happy. How can I control others what they are writing in their chats. I have never written any one like this.”
She was crying and shouting at the same time.
“If they write you darling, why you talk to them? You have an option of not replying to them.”
“I don’t think like this. I just ignore them.”
“Who is this Akash and what’s going on with this Raj_Dreamer?”
“It is office gossip. You are not supposed to see this. Raj is the same guy who wrote a scrap to me and Akash is an idiot. He always creates problems in our project and asks me for meeting every time. That’s why people talk like that sometimes. We should ignore them Sunny.”
“How can I ignore them when he wrote to you that we came close to each other in no time and you say I am like that only? What does this mean?”

“He is my friend and that’s why I wrote?”
“But I told you not to talk to him?”
“Don’t put restriction on me. I don’t like restrictions. He is in my office and works in my project. I can’t stop talking to him.”
“These are the official matters you were discussing?” I enquired helplessly.
“He is my friend now. So, we can chat and gossip. I don’t have many friends in my office. And whenever I get some friends, you find some problem in them. You have a problem with every one. Why you are so insecure? I can’t even talk to any one other than you?”

The discussion was going no where and I was just diluting my point with more discussions.
I said authoritatively “If you want to be with me, you have to stop replying to anyone who calls you darling and stop talking to him and you need to bring some responsibility in our relationship.”

She paused, looked at me and said “Ok. I’ll not reply.”

5 days earlier:

I was in the office when my mind was occupied with the thoughts of Soumya. I am not able to get those chats and the word darling out of my head. I opened Soumya’s gmail account again.

I wrote darling in search tab and hit enter.

There were zero entries.

She has deleted all conversations. It seems like her backlash after the incident and she has raised her fury on her mail account.

I went to trash folder and saw one conversation of Raj_Dreamer. I was looking at it and suddenly it was deleted from trash. I refresh the page and there was one more entry of Raj_Dreamer and I checked this is a different one and it was deleted again.

It took me some time to understand that Soumya was chatting to him even now and she is deleting the entry after every single line.

I felt cheated and betrayed.

I checked the email id of Raj_Dreamer and copied it. I searched this mail id in orkut and it returned one profile. I checked the profile and I felt like whole volcano has erupted on my head. It’s the profile of Savraj Malhotra, Soumya’s ex boyfriend.

I felt like my heart has skipped few beats and then started beating like a drum. Something in my stomach wanted to come outside via wind pipe and started choking me. I felt suffocation and rose from my chair. I started moving outside and hit a pillar next to my table. I didn’t felt anything on my head but a strong pain started hitting my chest and then stomach. My boss saw me hitting the pillar and came close to me.

“You are looking pale. What happened?”
“Nothing. I am not feeling well. I am going home.” I said
“Ok. Take care of yourself.” he said.

I walked out of office and write a sms to Soumya:

I know who Raj_Dreamer is? You were with your ex boy friend. Its over. Don’t try to call me. You are free to go with your ex.

I reached home and tried to watch TV but I could not concentrate. The pain was growing higher and higher. It was almost unbearable as something has hit my intestines and ruptured them. I then started feeling that lights were fluctuating around the home and going dim slowly and slowly. Something hit my head and I started getting relief from my pain. I fell unconscious.

I woke up two hours later and saw 20 missed calls of Soumya. I don’t want to talk to her. Then I saw her message:
Please listen to me. If you don’t listen, how this will resolve. There is some misunderstanding.

I don’t trust her now. I wrote back:

Let’s not talk for one week. We will meet this Saturday to know what happened and why.

Today

Waitress called me again “Do you need some thing Sir?”
I said “One Fresh Lime please.”
She left me alone and I got some relief.

A beautiful girl with deep eyes wearing yellow and white entered the restaurant and said to the restaurant staff with a dimply smile
“I’m looking for Mr. Sunny.”
Soumya entered the restaurant.


……… To Be Continued……